May 2
It's been two weeks and I haven't seen anyone other than Jaimie, Jenna and my therapist. Since lunch that day Austin and Tony stopped eating with us. It wasn't like one of those stupid, petty fights in high school, it was more like Tony wasn't comfortable with me and Austin was going to stick with him. From what I've gathered, he's like an older brother to Austin.
I admired their relationship. When I was a little kid I wanted to be like that with my brother but he didn't live with me so we couldn't build that kind of relationship. Now we have the kind of relationship where he lets me sneak into his unused apartment whenever I want and he won't tell our parents and I make sure our father doesn't find out that he's made a small fortune off of the candy store. If he knew, not only would he freak out but he'd try to invest the money in something Vic didn't care for. That's as close as we ever got.
I was sitting on my bed in a fresh pair of scrubs (which is what I've resorted to calling our clothes) while Jaime told me about his life before his transition. It was horribly depressing so it makes since why he's in here.
Jaime had always identified as a boy but his parents didn't like that. Especially his mother was upset by her child's choice. Apparently, Jaime came from an extremely conservative family so every time Jaime said he was boy he got lashings. He also got a lot of shit from school like being called 'dyke' and 'freak' because everyone knew. As he got older the tormenting got worse at school and at home. He started cutting himself and people gave him crap for that too. Until finally he decided to end it.
He had it all planned out. It was a lot more structured than mine. He knew exactly when his foster sister would be at her art class, when his dad would be at work, and when his mother would go grocery shopping. He wasn't going to do it at home because he didn't want his sister, who supported him, to be haunted every time she walked into their shared room. He was going to do it in the middle of a large field that was right behind their house.
He wanted to overdose on pills. He didn't care if he had to dry swallow them, he just wanted a less painful way out than living through it. He made the long journey into the middle of the sunflower field and sat down. He managed to open the pill, but at the last minute he decided against it. Instead, he pulled out the blade from his broken raiser that he always kept in his pocket. He turned it over several times before, well, you know. He stayed in that field for the rest of the night and most of the next day.
When Jaime finally came home his father was crying. He apologized for not being more accepting of him and said he would do whatever it takes to make Jaime more comfortable in his own body. His mother on the other hand, was not pleased. She screamed and threw things at him until finally Jaime's father asked her to leave. He didn't mean leave to cool down, he meant leave as in don't come back and she didn't.
A couple of months later Jaime started getting hormone treatments and started therapy. He had come clean about his experience in the field and what happened. His father insisted that Jaime didn't need to go to Sun Valley but The therapist thought it was for the best.
"And that's how I got here," he said.
"That's horrible," was all I could manage. I mean, it really was.
"Don't feel too bad, Michael. I'm happy here. I have three wonderful meals a day, a couple of great friends, and no abusive mother. It's great and I wouldn't change it for the world," he smiled sincerely. The creases of his eyes wrinkled and there was a glimmer in his eyes that just told me he meant everything he said.
"So, you can leave whenever you want?" I questioned.
He shook his head, "No. Well, sorta. My therapist has to approve of me leaving and then I have to live with other people and make regular visits to my councilor."
"Well isn't that just a no though?"
"No because my therapist has already said I can leave, but I like it here so I stay."
"Do you ever miss your family? I mean, doesn't it could sad without them?" I inquired.
"Well yeah, I miss them. I have my own family here too though and I'll never really be lonely because of that. There are tons of people here who understand what it's like to be different or sad. I can relate to them in a way I can't relate to my actual family. But, the times I do see my sister and dad are great. They're always the first people to arrive on visiting day," he smiled once again. I admired his sense of belonging. I felt a pang of jealously for him.
"There are visiting days?" And how come I wasn't informed of this?
"Yup," he said popping the p, "every two weeks."
"When's the next one?" I asked eagerly.
"Uh, let me check," he hopped off my bed and went to his side of the room. He rummaged through a drawer in his bed side table before pulling out a crumpled piece of paper. He squinted his eyes and scanned it before flipping it over and doing the same. "Today, actually."
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"There's no point in me coming, I'm not going to have any visitors," I sighed. Jaime was dragging me to one of the courtyards in the front of the building. Jaime had said that it was where the visits happen.
"Well, as it happens, my foster sister is the only one visiting and I think you would like her," he laughed as he continued to drag me.
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When we got to the court yard there was a long haired, and dark eyed girl that I recognized from Jaime's picture, waiting for us. I awkwardly introduced myself to the girl who radiated confidence. I felt somewhat self conscious around her. She was extremely kind and intelligent I gathered from the two minutes of conversation and she didn't try to off herself. I ignored my feelings and gave a big smile. I liked her.
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After thirty minutes or so Tay had to leave so Jaime and I started heading back to our room for, as Hime called it, "afternoon shenanigans". I had just gotten to the the entry way of the court yard when I heard a familiar voice call my name from behind. I turned around slowly to see the only popular boy I can stand, Justin.
He ran forward and engulfed me in a hug. I felt a wetness on my neck and realized Justin was crying. Justin, the boy who is half as tall as me and yet is known as one of the toughest guys in our school, was crying. To say the least, I was shocked. I didn't know anyone cared about me enough to cry. I didn't even know that Justin cared for me at all, we've always had a dealer-customer relationship. Maybe he's crying because he misses my pot? I did sell the best hash in four different counties.
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A.N. Once again I'm too lazy to write transitional stuff ausnrhjsjejeb sorry guys but not really. Okay so basically what's happening now is that they're sitting at a table talking and Jaime is sitting next to Mike
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"So how have things been at school?" I asked after Justin had finally calmed down.
"Jack will come around, Mike, I promise," Justin obviously understood what I really meant. My heart shattered just a little bit more when he said that though. How could Jack still be mad at me? Shouldn't he be supporting me through this? Not a sixteen-year-old who's not exactly good with words.
I could feel the urge to do something stupid coming on. I quickly excused myself so I could go see Gaskarth. I could hear Justin and Jaime calling after me, but I didn't listen. I couldn't listen, not with all the voices in my head telling me to do things I shouldn't.
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just a reminder:
ITALICS- present Mike writing in journal
normal font- passed past Mike/flashback
Bold- Authors Notes
okokok so this got 600 reads and I'm trying so hard not to lose my shit. thank you all so much for reading/voting! it means the world
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