The coffee shop was had few occupants considering it was just over the morning rush. Santana sat on an armchair in the corner sipping from her mug and perusing something on her phone. It was the fourth time she'd taken the Kinsey scale test and it was the fourth time she'd got 6, Exclusively Homosexual.
Sighing she tucked her phone into her pocket and glanced to the door where two people had just stepped in. The young girl, wearing a Batman sweatshirt and black leggings, glanced around quickly until she spotted Santana. Dropping her sister's hand she sprinted over into Santana's open arms.
"Hey there kiddo." Santana greeted her hugging back tightly. "Tana I got second prize at dance camp for ballet!" Lilly chattered rapidly clambering up to sit on Santana's lap.
"No way! That's amazing." The older girl praised as Ciara came to join them a tray in her hands. She was wearing black high waist shorts and a light blue button down. A large black purse was swung over her shoulder.
"Looking hot." Santana smiled, her own grey sweatpants and black tank top making her feel completely underdressed. "Thanks." Ciara replied replacing Santana's almost finished coffee with a fresh one.
"Are you two going out now?" Lily asked, noticing the compliment and the coffee. Santana sniggered while Ciara scoffed. "She wishes."
Santana feigned a look of hurt while she repositioned Lily so she was cuddled into her right side. "Please she'd be lucky to have me. Anyway your sister's dating Nathan." Santana fake whispered to Lily causing Ciara to blush.
"Okay nope. We are not having this conversation, especially not with my six year old sister." Ciara said defiantly handing Lily her hot chocolate.
"Whatever I'm a silver medallist. I don't need your drama." Lily pouted raising a hand at Ciara. Santana laughed and shook her head while Ciara looked shocked and amused.
"Okay I think it's time Daddy sent your butt back to Alabama. New York is giving you an attitude." Ciara noted folding her arms.
Lily shook her head and snuggled into Santana. "Nah. It's called being confident. Listen Boss by Fifth Harmony and you'll get it."
Ciara and Santana shook their heads laughing. The kid was crazy.
The city was already darkening and it was only six thirty. Neon lights illuminated Santana's room as she sat cross legged on her bed. She was twisting a piece of paper around in her hands attempting to summon the courage to read it.
Ciara had given it to her after coffee this morning and now was the first moment she'd had alone.
She finally inhaled deeply and unfolded it, committing to the oncoming pain.
Hey Santana,
So I'm not even sure you'll read this, but then if you're not reading this then my points is kind of mute so I'll stop this tangent now.
I asked Ciara to pass this on because I feel a message on Skype isn't personal enough while I know for a fact my brain would turn to mush if I tried to call you. The sound of your voice would destroy my rehearsed articulate sentences.
I hope you're not mad at Ciara for helping me, remember she was my friend first! (I'm joking of course, I'm glad she has someone as remarkable as you to hang with.)
Anyhow the reason I am emailing you, via Ciara, is because there is something you need to know.
There is nothing wrong with you, not a single thing.
I know you're struggling with being gay but this is a completely normal reaction. If you accepted it straight off the bat I would be far more worried.
No matter how much you deny it, your sexuality isn't going to change. I know it's wrong to compare my struggle to yours as I was lucky enough to have supportive family and friends, but you need to know I struggled too. Everyone struggles at least a little bit.
However you are completely normal, well as normal as anyone can be in this fucked up world. Just because you like girls this does not change that.
I know I'm like a parrot repeating myself but I can just sense you rejecting this notion of your normality already and I want you to believe me. I need you to believe me.
I want to tell you about my friend who struggles with her sexuality.
She is incredibly beautiful. The type of beauty that is both envied and admired simultaneously. Her eyes contain an uncontainable passion for life and her laugh contains the secrets to happiness.
She is kind-hearted and warm. When she enters a room you suddenly feel at home no matter where you are.
She finds it hard to let people in but when she does it's the most marvellous gift you could ever receive. Her best qualities are what make her most insecure but she lets a select few see them anyway.
Her tear stained smile at four am when her nightmare subsides is one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.
I'm getting off track. The point is this girl is one of the most amazing human beings alive yet she is having a hard time.
Why you may ask, she sounds perfect. Well she just doesn't see it. She is listening to other's voices and she is ignoring her true feelings. If the girl you loved did this how would you react Santana? Please tell me how because the way she hates herself is breaking my heart!
That's it really. I just needed you to know that you're not wrong or abnormal. You are the closest thing to perfect that can be achieved.
I hope one day we can at least be friends.
Love Always
Dani x
Her hands shook as dropped the page on her bed.
Dani's words surrounded her, their positivity suffocating her. She had to get out for a while, she couldn't remain here with her thoughts. She might begin to believe Dani then.
It was exactly midnight when Santana wedged the key into the lock and turned. She had grabbed some dinner with Ciara, Lily and her father at a Chinese and then returned to Ciara's apartment where she finally got to meet Nathan. He was not only extremely nice but he was very handsome too.
The constant company insured Ciara hadn't received the chance to question her on the email.
Upon opening the door Santana was greeted with the sound of raised voices. Her Grandmother and Mother stood either side of the living room hands raised, face's flush with anger.
"She is not a random girl at your church. She is your Granddaughter!" Her mother yelled clenching her fists by her side.
"That does not matter, it is still wrong." Her grandmother argued back, neither noticing Santana standing awkwardly in the doorway. She cleared her throat and pushed the door closed. Both women turned to her.
"What's going on?" Santana asked tentatively, knowing they were talking about. She felt panic coursing through her.
"Mi'ja I didn't hear you come in." her mother admitted, her scowl replaced with a grimace.
"You're talking about me." Santana said feeling her chest tighten. Oh no, not now. She did not need to have a panic attack.
Her grandmother and mother exchanged looks and then the older woman spoke. "It's nothing mi Corazon. You're Madre is simply confused." Santana's mother glared at her and then turned to Santana.
"I think we should go talk in private." She said putting emphasis on private.
Santana shook her head and closed her eyes. It was now or never.
"Abuela...Mami...I'm gay."
