The Little Mistakes (boyxboy)

Chapter 33

“Caise!”

I blinked, looking around. So much resemblance was in such a little thing as someone calling my name. It was as if it were the first week of school and I was back in the cafeteria. Kieran called me over to his table and introduced himself for the first time. That was also the day I met Rikert.

So much had changed since then. I was ashamed to admit that it wasn’t all good, either. In fact, most of it was bad. I wasn’t me anymore and I didn’t know how to get me back. And I wasn’t entirely sure if I wanted to. I’d learned so much about how to be a good boyfriend and how to make others happy. I didn’t know if it was worth risking everything to turn my back on Rikert. It would probably only make things a million times worse anyway.

I scanned the crowd on the bleachers and found that it wasn’t Kieran who was summoning me, but someone else entirely. I drifted fully back to the present and blocked out all thoughts about what my life was like three months ago.

“Caise!” Patrick called again.

He raised an eyebrow at me expectantly and I cautiously headed up the stairs towards him. It had been an hour and a half since I’d left Rikert to get ready for the game and I’d been sitting outside on the grass by myself the whole time. I had just been thinking about a lot of stuff. And then trying not to think about sitting alone for two more hours.

Now, I wouldn’t have to. Because Patrick bothered to take enough pity on me and let me sit with him. I was kind of concerned for my sanity when I silently wished he had been by himself, because he wasn’t. Aria was at his side that I wasn’t heading for and Phoebe was next to her sister.

The look on Phoebe’s face when she made eye contact with me said more than enough. She didn’t want me there and the overwhelming feeling of unwelcome hit me like a ton of bricks. I nearly turned around and ran away before Patrick gave me an uneasy smile that somehow changed my mind.

I kept moving and a few moments later I sat down with my three cousins. Aria mumbled a “hey” but was more focused on her text conversation than real life. Phoebe gave me a terrifying glare that had me nervous and curious at the same time before ignoring me completely. I wasn’t sure what exactly she was angry about this time, but I figured she’d tell me soon enough. She always yelled at me when I did something wrong. Plus, she had been ignoring me all week, too, so I figured she was about ready to let me have it.

“So,” Patrick drawled awkwardly. “You, uh, excited for the game?”

My eyes darted around the field just as awkwardly so that I didn’t have to look at my cousin. This was so weird that it was beyond anything that could ever be considered normal. Patrick never really spoke to me in public.

“I guess so. I haven’t seen Rikert play soccer before,” I answered.

“Well he’s really good,” Patrick said, off-handedly.

“Good?” Aria asked incredulously. “He’s way better than good. He’s probably good enough to go pro if he wanted.”

I felt the corner’s of my lips twitch, wanting to smile. “I’m not surprised,” I said quietly.

Patrick grumbled next to me. “Jesus, Aria. He’s not fucking perfect, you don’t have to worship him. Focus on your own fucking boyfriend.”

The smile fell from my face in an instant. The way Patrick spoke really hit home, and a couple of nerves as well. Rikert wasn’t perfect, no, but I treated him like he was. I did everything he said without even batting a lash. It was sickening the way I did worship him.

Why did I do that? I asked myself. How could I let this happen to me?

“...being a baby. Not my fault you’re jealous that we have boyfriends and you don’t,” Aria snapped, looking back at her phone.