Love:The Power of Life and Death- Johnlock

A Much More Vicious Motivator...

Sherlock's hands were shaking, his mind spinning. How could he have never noticed this? There were clear signs to look out for; heart acceleration, blushing and pupil dilation to name a few. Being the man he is, Sherlock would have deduced John's sentiments in a heartbeat. He did it with Irene, why not John? Could the fact that that he was an army doctor mislead the detective? Because of his occupation, John would have to remain quite calm and reserved in most situations; obviously he would have to become more open after being invalidated from Afghanistan, but he could have used his past experiences to help conceal his true feelings towards the raven haired man. The only fault in Sherlock's conclusion was John's pupil dilation; something that cannot be controlled consciously. The only thing the detective could come up with is that the dimly lit rooms in 221B could have been misleading for Sherlock, making him think that John's eyes were adjusting to the light. After dismissing the possible reasons of John's undetectable emotions, many questions flooded Sherlock's mind: How long did John feel this way for? Was it lust or love? How has he dealt with the 'suicide of a fake genius'?

The detective became overwhelmed. He felt sick to his stomach with guilt. How could he have left John? As a reply, the memories reminded him, he had to jump to save John; John would have been killed if Sherlock hadn't have jumped. Despite the reasons, Sherlock found it inexcusable. He couldn't help himself, the poker-faced man who saw attachment and sentiment as a weakness gave in to his emotions and burst into tears. His knees were now tucked into his chest, his arms embracing them as his tears soaked the knees of his pyjama bottoms. "John..." he wailed through short breaths, "I'm so sorry..."

Wait, what was this? Sherlock Holmes, the great consulting detective who only expressed his emotions through his words was crying? Over guilt? Over John? What had gotten into him? He had felt guilt before, he even felt a strong attraction towards Irene Adler, yet he remained poker-faced in those situations. Something must have changed, yes, something's different now, and it wasn't because the man was tired. What possessed his mind to allow him to show this much emotion? Sherlock was overwhelmed with what was spinning through his brilliant mind. "It's different because it's more intense." he realised, "it's the only possible solution, friendship would not lead to this reaction from me, no matter how strong it may be. Like I said to the cabbie during the first case I had with John, 'Love is a much more vicious motivator'..."