A Shade of Cool

XII: A Kiss with a Fist

I didn't sleep all night and found myself, once again playing the CD. Wrapped in my blanket I sat in the chair of my computer and stared at the window below. The cold night of mid November fogged the glass making nothing visible but pure darkness. I thought about the girl Avery had told me about, I imagined how it must've gone for her.

"He was only seventeen. She was like eighteen, a bit shy. She was still a virgin so he promised to take it from her. They had been hanging out at this party and apparently they'd both had a bit to drink but personally, I don't think he had much to drink at all. She said we was a bit tipsy but fully in control," Avery recollected, "He was asking her these weird questions, 'what have guy done with guys?' 'do you touch yourself'. He kept touching her and she moved away. After that he was practically on top of her and grabbing her all over. She tried to get him arrested but his Dad paid the cops to lower the charges to assault under the influence of alcohol. Then Eric made this big thing that he was 'so drunk' and 'out of it'. It was bullshit."

I had messaged Ana, three times already. I told her the entire thing but she still hadn't replied. I feared going to her in person, I dreaded talking about it. Because I knew her and I knew that she would react in a difficult way. Ana wasn't a conformer, she was a individual. She never followed or allowed anyone to tell her anything. She did everything herself. That drew me to her at first but now, it was pushing me away.

I hated that she didn't listen. I hated that once he did something to her she would hate me. I knew she would, she'd never speak to me again. I'd known Ana since we were young and I'd stayed at her house, been on vacation with her, attended her Grandma's funeral. We were one in the same. Now, it felt like we couldn't be any further apart from each other and it kinda felt like it was my fault. If I hadn't attended that party-

Sighing, I closed my eyes. I couldn't keep blaming myself for that. As the CD stopped, without looking I hit reply and listened to the track again until I drifted into my short sleep before school began again.

The past week had been people staring at me, whispering or whistling. This week was not the same, Eric's swollen eye had deflated, I had returned to being no one and Noah was still nowhere to be seen. On the upside, my grades had risen to an overwhelming high; A's all around. Mr Peterson pulled my aside one day, "May I talk to you for a moment, Mr Green?"

"Of course, Sir," I stayed, not as if I had anywhere to be.

"Well, I just wanted to say, well done on your work. It's absolutely staggering, I've not seen anything like it and I think, with more focus, you'll be a success!" He smiled, "However, you seem distracted. I hope everything is okay? I heard about your mother-"

"She's fine," I assured him, "She's gone away now, so..."

"Ah, that must be hard," He gave me that look a lot of teachers had been giving me lately, a look of worry and sorrow, "Well just know, I'm here if you want to talk."

That must've happened twice that day until I successfully managed to slip into the library and hide under my books. Scribbling away at my notes I kept my head down and my earphones in as I listened to Oasis. Being left alone had it's benefits I could see, it allowed you the time for yourself.

Someone caught my eye, looking up I saw it was Ana walking into the library, Eric's arm over her shoulder as he pulled her close. His group following as they laughed and joked. I kept contact with her, her face lighter and slightly... bothered. They passed me and sat at the table in the corner. I looked at my notes and bit my bottom lip wondering if it was any use in leaving.

No, you got here first. I reminded myself.

I continued scribbling and reading, kind of enjoying myself. (Who'd believe studying the dates of The Cold War could be so fascinating) Until I heard someone clear their throat over me. Looking up I saw Ana.