A Shade of Cool

XXI: Eggnog

The issue with time is that no matter how still it stood for you, it flew by for the world around you. That was case the case with Ana, who looked like she could easily take the part of Tiny Time from a Christmas Carol. Her hair was slung up in a messy braid with loose strands down her face which looked bruised and still empty. Her uniform was a pair of woolen socks, grey tracksuit pants and a large jumper. She had huge bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep and her lips her dry and cracked.

I watched her slowly get to her feet as I walked in and shut the door behind me, "Hey," I smiled over to her holding out a box of her favourite M&M's. She took it and clutched it to her chest as her eyes drifted to the dozes of boxes that I'd brought her before all eaten and neatly stacked in her bin. As empty as she looks, she was very full from the outside, "How are you today?"

She turned to the window and stared outside, "I'm going away..."

"Oh?" I raised my brows, "Where?"

"There's... There's a uhm, camp somewhere in California... really nice uh, place, I guess," Her hands clutched around her sides as she stared aimlessly out at the afternoon sky, "I'm sure I'll be okay. It's warm there, California. Plus, Mom said it will be good for me. Don't you think?"

"Uh, yeah... I guess?" I nodded and crossed my arms, "How do you feel about this, though? Do you want to go?"

She swallowed and sucked in her lips as her eyebrows furrowed, I could tell she was trying not to cry as she just simply nodded. But I just stared at her, knowing, knowing this was really what she wanted. There would be a day that she would be okay, but that day wouldn't be today.

"I'm so sorry..." She looked own.

"Don't," I shook my head.

"No, Jacob, I mean it. Just let me talk, okay?" She sat on the end of her bed, me joining her as I watched her rest the box on her lap, "I didn't believe you. I thought you were trying to ruin everything in my life because - you know what? I don't even know why. I just assumed that everyone; Mom, you, everyone, were trying to fuck it up. I just wanted to feel loved... that's what people forget. I'm a bitch, yeah. But even bitches need to be loved."

"You're not a bitch. Eric's very manipulative-"

"You're very naive," She sighed, "Can you just be mad at me? Can you stop being so... nice? It'll stop me from hating myself even more, maybe that's what I need. Isolation. Maybe..."

"Don't," I warned her, "You did not deserve this! No one deserves to have this happen to them, okay? We've come too far to start to blaming ourselves."

"What I said about your Mom, that was wrong," She looked at me, "What I did to you was wrong and right now, I need to do something right. Whether it's going away for a while or... getting that creep arrested, then it's good enough. I'm just so sorry for everything that I've done. I can't sleep. I just keep feeling him on top of- and then there's you, running away from me. Two of my worst nightmares."

"Well I'm not running anywhere," I promised her, "I'm here for good."

"And so am I," She smiled, "Of course even while I'm in California!" She laughed.

"That's the first time you've laughed in ages," I grinned.

"It feels nice. That's like, your superpower, to just make everything seem a lot more better," She said.

"Really? Had me fooled, I thought it was to make things worse," I cocked a brow looking down at the floor. Then I remembered, "I went to see Stacey."

Her face fell and she sat up straight, "Oh?"

"Yeah, me and Noah kinda drove to Chicago and met her in person. Thought we should push her into giving a statement," I was in a moment of delay as I thought about whether telling her about my visit from the Stocks would be a good idea, "And?" She asked, a look of worry but intrigue on her face.