Into the Ocean

•The Ocean is My Only Medication•

•Chapter title~ lyrics from "Knee Deep" by Zac Brown Band feat. Jimmy Buffett•
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I never really knew my mother. I just remember little bits and pieces about her. I remember her warm smile, her kind ocean blue eyes, her salty-sweet smelling hair, and most importantly, how much love and happiness radiated off of her. It seemed like she was always happy. My father says that she was the greatest person he knew.

I don't know why she left. I used to ask my father that question all the time. He would smile a sad smile, turn and look out at the crashing waves, and reply, "She didn't want to Coral, she just had to." Coral, my mother's nickname for me. My dad always uses it. He says it's a way we can remember her.

But that was 11 years ago. I've moved on. Sort of. I can't help but shake the feeling that I was the reason she left. But I don't know what a 5-year-old me could've done. And it doesn't help that I don't remember much from 11 years ago, and if you guys are good at math, you would know that I'm 16. And I'll tell you right now, being 16 freaking sucks. I have so many mood swings, it's not even funny. I also get hangry, which means I get moody and angry when I'm really hungry. I honestly don't know how my dad puts up with me.

But I couldn't possibly ask for a better dad. He stays by me. Even when I'm really moody and don't want to see a living soul in sight. I know he loves me with all his heart, and I couldn't ask for anything more.

The last few weeks of school have been really hard on me lately. I've been failing my tests, my overall average has been dropping, and I've been feeling like crap. And I have no-idea-why. It's been driving me so flipping crazy! I don't have many friends, I only have one best friend, so I don't know if other girls my age have been going through the same thing. But I can talk with my dad, and he's been helping me with controlling my feelings, especially my anger and moodiness.

Of course, he hasn't completely solved my problems. I don't think anyone can. Some days I just feel like curling up in my bed, listening to music, and staying there, not worrying about anything. But of course, I can't do that. I have school.

Thankfully, a few weeks ago I discovered something. It was that when I go down to the ocean, which is basically my backyard, I feel calmed and relieved. I feel like nothing bad is happening in the world, and that nothing can bother me. I feel at peace and at home. And it feels wonderful.

But of course, nothing good can last forever. Just when I found my serenity, disaster struck. A major hurricane hit. My beach paradise was ruined. I couldn't go down to the ocean, my dad said it was too dangerous. I was furious. I hated Mother Nature. Because of her, I lost my happy place. I lost my only happy place.

I was lost in the world, and I couldn't find a way back. I felt like I was on a completely different planet. I felt like I was on Mars, like Mark Watney from the book and movie The Martian. I felt entirely alone.

But thank god for my dad. Thank god he always knows how I feel. Thank god he always knows when I need saving. If it weren't for him, I would still be lost. Ever since the hurricane, he's been helping me through my troubles, and I'm so very grateful for that. It's like he knows when I'll be upset, and he prepares for it. I honestly would not know what to do if he wasn't there for me.

A few weeks later, I was able to go down to the beach. I was over the moon excited. I could finally be happy and peaceful again.

I went down immediately after I got ready in the morning. I practically ran out the door. Once I made it, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. As I let it out, I could feel all my worries and troubles fade away. I felt my serenity again.

As I stood there, breathing in the salty air, a realization washed over me, like the waves washing over the sand. I realized that even though my dad helps with my troubles, the ocean is my cure. The ocean is my medication, my only medication.