You're crashing but you're no wave

Awake and unafraid

I woke up cold and alone, or what I thought was alone. I sat up on the pristine, brown sofa and felt the rays of sun on the back of my head. There was clanking of plates and a delightful smell in the air. Pete was over by the kitchen doing something and I went up to him smiling. He's mine. Right now in this moment Pete is mine, no matter what else happens. I hugged him from behind and stood on my tiptoes to see over his shoulder.

"Good morning Patty." He sung and I just hummed in response, watching him defer out the food he had brought. "I did uh, try to cook but uhm..."

"They don't teach you that in jail?" he shook his head and I went to sit on the stool facing him, not before I gently kissed his cheek. He was smiling and looking down and I grazed my eyes over his body. As tight as that shirt was it just had to go."Okay new rule! You are not allowed to wear shirts in this house." Pete scoffed and sat down beside me, pushing my plate of food towards me.

"Oh and what about you huh? I wanna see all those pretty little hickeys I gave you yesterday." I suddenly remembered the ones on my neck and ran to the mirror to check them out.

"Fuck!" I yelled as they were very high up and obvious.

Whilst trying to figure out ways to cover them up, Pete's arms were wrapped around my waist and he kissed one of the marks.

"Don't do it again!" I squealed and moved away to his laughter.

"You look beautiful Patty, but I've got some foundation you could try." I thanked him as I wrapped my arms around his body. We swayed in the bathroom as if we were in a ballroom until my eye caught sight of the clock.

"We don't have long so come on."

I dragged him back out to the kitchen and rushed to get ready. Pete made me feel like a teenager again. Not that I had ever had a relationship like this but the whole thing just made me feel happy and young at the same time as the danger and sneaking around. It brought an extra thrill that I kinda liked.

"So I can be sleeping in your bed now yeah?"

"Well there's not much point in saying we should wait is there?" We both clambered in the car and I started the engine.

"You know I haven't felt like this is a long time. Obviously I did get my fair share of fucking but, no real love."

"Oooh, gonna tell me about it?"

"I ha- Well first you better know this is a secret, I'm sworn to never tell anyone." I nodded and he continued. "Well I had this buddy, Brendon. I knew him beforehand and he's probably my closest pal. Anyway he was in there at the same time. It was mainly just blowjobs and stuff 'cause we're both tops," I tried not to focus on the visuals of anything he was saying. Not Pete blowing me, or him fucking me cause he's a top. Oh god stop thinking about it Patrick. "But no, it was just sexual frustration, we weren't fucking for love."

"So why are you sworn to secrecy on that?"

"Ah, that's because Brendon's got a nice boyfriend. He doesn't want him knowing Brendon technically cheated because Brendon didn't cheat to cheat, it happened because he hadn't seen Ryan in eighteen months."

"Ah."

I stopped at the usual spot for Pete to make his own way into court while I when to the car park and in like normal. All three boys were up for questioning today. Pete, Gerard and Frank. I had no questions planned all thanks to Pete last night but I could probably do okay.

It felt so repetitive. Frank crying and acting nun the wiser, Gerard flipping out and being so obnoxious. Pete was finally up. His lawyer asked the weirdest questions that even Pete looked confused by.