Fat // Harry Styles

chapter thirty-one

chapter thirty-one

THE AIRPORT WAS loud and crowded, people rushing by and bumping shoulders trying to make it to their designated location. The atmosphere was stuffy and hot and I was sweating, but I wasn't sure if it were because of the temperature or the current dreaded goodbye. I kept reminding myself it was just two weeks--everything would be okay and he'd be back. I wasn't excessively clingy, and I refused to become that way.

Harry had been hugging me now for a good five minutes. His tight grip around my waist hadn't faltered, his head hadn't budged from the crook of my neck; I think he was more afraid to go than I was for him to leave. There was worry in his green eyes when we'd arrived and it all sank in that he was actually about to board an airplane to the other side of the world. He wouldn't say the words aloud, but I knew he was very hesitant to trust me on my own with the mindset I was drowning in.

But he couldn't make a difference staying either, could he? He could not get me to eat or get me to be content with myself. Last night I had felt content; he had made me feel beautiful. However, those feelings were always temporary. They always faded as quickly as they made themselves known. I couldn't hold onto them no matter how hard I tried. The mirror the next day would shatter any self-esteem I might've gained.

"You have to let go eventually," I said, chuckling.

"But I don't wanna," he muttered, barely audible with his face in my hair. "Do you think they'd notice if I dragged you onto the plane?"

"It's pretty likely."

He groaned, still not moving.

"Think of it this way: you're going to go see your mom who you haven't seen in a year. And when you come back, it'll be about the time for the tiger show, so we can go cuddle tiger cubs together." I poked his side; still he didn't budge.

"You'll call me if anything happens?" he murmured, finally pulling back just the slightest to look at me.

"Nothing is going to happen," I assured him.

"If anything does, though..."

"I'll call you," I finished for him. Wanting to lighten the mood a bit, I added teasingly, "But is that the only time you want me to call you?"

"If that's the only time you call me, I'm confiscating your phone until you learn how to use it properly."

"I can't learn to use it if you confiscate it."

"Let me be intimidating for once, please?"

I laughed and he pulled me in for another firm embrace, then pressed his lips to mine. Gemma called over to him, saying it was time for them to head to the terminal. Harry kissed my forehead, then took a step back but wouldn't let go of my hand. I smiled, pushing him lightly as I told him to go. He tugged my arm, through, making me hit his chest. He brought his lips down to my ear.

"I love you," he whispered.

He started walking away before I could process what he said. I wrapped my arms around myself and watched them go, Des turning around and waving frantically at me with an excited smile on her face. Harry glanced over his shoulder almost timidly, but when I smiled at him, he returned it.

Then they were gone.

***

It was excruciatingly quiet with Harry gone. All there was for me to do was work. It kept me busy, though, and typically when I got home after my shift at the store I went straight to bed. Sometimes it wasn't really that late, but I tried to lay down early so my mom wouldn't ask me what I wanted for dinner. You could only say nothing for so long.