one shots《frerard》

Poison

Sure, I'm a famous singer. Sure, I'm in a band. Sure, I have close friends. Sure, I have times where I'm happy. But right now?

I stare at myself in the mirror backstage, holding my shirt in my hand. I stared at my stomach, and the way it poked out over my pants. No matter how many sizes too big I bought pants, my stomach always stuck out. And my sides, my love handles. It was gross.

My arms are to thin for the rest of my body, and I don't have any muscles. My chest is chubby, too, and when I move my neck the wrong way, it gives me a double chin. I sigh and let my gaze wander to my face. My nose is too upturned, and too small. My face is chubby and round. My lips are too small and pointy, especially for a man. My eyes are girly, even without the makeup. My teeth are to tiny, and it makes my mouth look weird. One side of my mouth sticks sometimes, so I only talk out of one side. One of my teeth are crooked. I can't grow hair on my face like all other grownass men in the world.

I turn to the side and grimace at the way my back curves, almost like I have a humpback.

A humpback fucking whale. That's what the hell I am.

I thought back to what had brought all of this on. I had been sitting with Mikey, Ray, Bob and Frank after the show, and we were all joking around.

"Fuck off, Mikey." I'd said at one point.

"Shut the fuck up." He mumbled.

"Go fuck that little whore of yours." I said, joking around about the girl he'd been seeing.

"I'll fuck your mom." He mumbled, not cracking a smile.

"She's your mom too!" I exclaimed.

He shrugged. Ray was laughing.

"Go fuck a whale." I said.

"I'm not interested in you in that way Gerard, I've told you." Mikey said.

I knew he was only joking, but I wouldn't help but let the words bother me. A whale?

He's right though, I realized. I fell silent, and excused myself to go to the bathroom before heading to an empty dressing room.

I pulled off my shirt, and here I was. Hating myself, as always. I sighed, remembering how thoughts like this were the kinds of thoughts that got me depressed, and addicted to drugs.

I heard the door to the room I was in open. I saw Frank behind me in the mirror.

"Gee? What are you doing? Why's your shirt off?" He asked.

I couldn't speak. My throat felt like it was closing up. I felt tears in my eyes, and before I knew it, the were falling down my cheeks. I covered my face with my hands, and cried.

"Gerard?" Frank asked, sounding worried. He hurried over to me, and instantly wrapped me in a hug. He pulled me close to him with one arm, and placed the other hand on the side of my face, making me look at him.

"Hey, hey, it's okay baby..." He said. He always called me that when I was upset, or when he was messing around. Even though I was used to it, it didn't stop my face from heating up. He probably couldn't tell though, since my face was probably already splotchy from crying.

"Come here, tell me what's wrong." Frank said softly, leading me over to the couch with a hand on the small of my back. He sat next to me, and I pulled my shirt back over my head, self-conscious about the way my stomach folded in rolls when I sat down.

He wrapped one arm around me, and placed one hand on my leg. He rested his head agaisnt me, and stared up at my face.

"What's the matter, sweetheart? Why are you crying?"

I shook my head. "I don't want to talk about it." I forced out, sniffling.

Frank reached up and wiped underneath my eyes with his thumb. "Okay, gorgeous, you can tell me when you're ready." He said, smiling sadly at me.

I laughed sarcastically at the comment. Gorgeous? No way. Not me.

"What?" He asked, sounding confused.

"Gorgeous." I spat out.

He blushed, for some fucking reason. "W-well, uh, yeah, I just... you're just attractive, is all, I just let it slip out, I'm sorry..." Frank stuttered, letting his hand fall back down to rest on my knee.

"It's not that Frank, it's just that I'd rather you not lie to me to make me feel better." I muttered.

"Lie? I- I'm not- you think I don't mean that?" Frank asked, sounding genuinely confused and a little hurt.

"No way can you think I'm gorgeous." I said, the tears slowing down a little.

"Gee, oh my god baby, is that what this is about?" He asked, looking up and meeting my eyes.

"I'm just a fucking... fat, ugly, worthless, ..."

"Gerard, stop." Frank cut me off. "I need you to listen to me, and remember this. You are beautiful, Gee, the most beautiful person I know, inside and out."

I sighed.

"You're so smart, Gerard. And funny. And you're nice to everyone, you're such an inspiration. And you're attractive not only in the way of your personality, but in the way you look. You're just fucking gorgeous, Gee."

I pressed my face down into Frank's neck, feeling a little better as he praised me. That is, until I felt his hand that was wrapped around my body start to slide down, wrapping around my waist. I shuddered, worried he would feel how fat I was there, and pull his hand away.

He didn't, though, in fact, he rubbed his thumb in circles on the skin, and slid his hand under the hem of my shirt. He started sliding it up and off, causing my heart to speed up a little.

I didn't want him to look at my body. Maybe he hadn't noticed before, how ugly I am, and once he realized, he would leave. He'd be disgusted.

He pulled off my shirt though, and tossed it down on the couch. He ran his fingers all over me over my chest, my stomach, my sides.

"Beautiful." He kept mumbling.

I sighed, the feeling of his fingers on my skin was nice, although it tickled a little.

"You're fucking perfect, Gerard. Perfect." He whispered to me, his mouth close to my ear. He kissed my cheek gently, letting his lips linger there for a second before pulling back.

He moved his hand up to my face, and tilted it towards him. He watched me for a moment, probably trying to gauge my reaction, before he pressed our lips together.

I was shocked, but I closed my eyes and kissed him back.

He smiled when he finally pulled away after a little while, kissing all over my face. He kissed down my neck, my chest, and my stomach, complimenting me between each one.

Finally he kissed my lips again chastely, and smiled at me.

"You're perfect Gerard, in every way. And I love you. Always have."

I smiled back, and said, "I love you too, Frankie."

I felt, for the first time in what felt like forever, beautiful.