Lost Stars

iii. comets

Elle watched as the sun rose and penetrated the thin curtains of her window, allowing it to bring the gift of light in her dark room. Seeing the ray of golden sunshine unknowingly brought her mind into the act of drifting away from her consciousness. Her thoughts were scattered everywhere from how questionable the world was to how she needed to find a way to leave her mark when she's gone; afraid of her fear of disappearing to come through.

But then it drifted into how the yellow streak of glitter and how beautiful it was. Seeing it gave her hope and the will to actually pursue the day with everything she's got. It was sneaky with it's ability to signal the world to come at her. It was unpredictable as it had the advantage of surprising her. It may have been a million miles away, but then she realized that it didn't revoke her of her capability to admire it even with the distance that separated them; it would be too dangerous to stand near it for too long, just like Jack.

And only at the mention of his name was she able to snap out of it and realize the insanity of the thoughts that she allowed to rampage in her mind. She despised how gradually her dependence on him has grown, but it was also oddly exciting in a way that she wanted to conceal.

Her mind then hopped over to the fact that all he did was show her some attention, and she was instantly puddle by his feet. It never occurred to her that maybe his little act of kindness was all very two dimensional; that it was merely just a little act.

And that his lucid rage towards her was because of her desperation for attention. Maybe, he acted like he didn't enjoy her company because he really didn't, that maybe she was just getting too attached too quickly.

These torturous thoughts continued to mock her even as she entered her school building. All she saw was the typical scene of the students dividing the hallway according to their very shallow and superficial social rankings.

And in that spirit, Elle went by her locker as she occupied the only spot to the 'undecided' social rank as she opened her metal locker and grabbed the books she needed in exchange for the books that weren't all that important right now.

It wasn't that she lacked the optimal amount of social skills to actually get into any of these narrow minded cliques. Her need for solitude traces back to the reason her teachers sent her to the circle in the first place: her cosmic way of thinking.

The fact that these people wouldn't even be remotely active enough to exert enough effort to maintain these relations in a few years due to hectic schedules. The fact that these two faced girls talked trash behind each other's backs, thus ruining the entire purpose of friendships. The fact that these people needed each other to feel accepted into the current society; something Elle was very much capable of doing on her own.

The ring of the bell did not concern her, since it was her free period; something she saw as an opportunity to cram all of the assignments that she may or may not have forgotten about. But she had the unexplained luck of not having any homework to do, which made her question what she would actually do with this period allotted to absolutely whatever.

Her legs started moving her towards the open court; where occasional football games were held, but mostly was occupied by immature boys throwing a flying disc around as well as girls who hold pink picnics.

Her eyes scanned around the yard, and landed on a boy who resembled a poet observing as his surroundings continued to moved around him. He looked really focused as he picked up on every single detail that happened around him as he sat focused on top of the white bleachers. But all of this focus came at the expense of company. He was alone.

But Elle wasn't as close minded as to think that being alone was actually a bad thing. It was the costly price that some people had to pay in order to touch greatness.

She watched him as he closed his eyes and breathed in and out, almost as if he was feeling the world slip away from his fingertips. He wore a black shirt paired with some faded jeans—typical Jack Kingston fashion.

Elle leaned against the tree and just looked at him; looked at his complexity, looked at how different he was from everyone, looked at how he wanted to never have to blend in with everyone.

He finally opened his eyes and almost immediately, they landed on her. She made no efforts to regain her composure, nor did he show any signs of awkwardness. In fact, he looked as if he already knew that her attention was on him this entire time.

She watched from the shade of the evergreen tree as he grabbed his backpack and slung it over one shoulder before he hopped off the bleachers one step at a time. The violent sound of his converse hitting the metal was very much audible from the shadow she was under. She continued to look at him, only straightening up her posture when he was only a few feet away from her.

"Hey." She smiled as he approached her and basked in the same shade that provided her relief from the glaring sunlight that held her adoration only a few hours ago.

"Hey." He returned a comforting grin. Elle loved how much he looked like a teenage boy right now compared to his usual black sheep demeanor. His hair was ruffled. One of his hands was shoved into his jean pocket, while the other held onto his backpack. He wore a boyish smile that radiated the need to live in his adolescence before it vanished altogether.

But straightaway, all of that sunlight he radiated was blocked and buried under a raging thunderstorm as his smile abruptly dropped and was instantly replaced with a repellent deadpan. She evidently winced at the quick change of his moods and how fast everything changed. Her insides were clenching in nervousness at the suffocating curiosity of what would happen next.

"I'm sorry, Elle. Yesterday was a total mistake. I should have never taken it too far." Jack started rambling on about all of this words that were taking Elle a long time to process, but at the same time, they instantly hit her in her heart with all of this unusual weight.

"What are you talking about? We just went out for lunch." Her body started shivering and fidgeting under his straight intense glare. Her confidence was clearly faltering under the intimidation of his straight face that showed no evidence of the boy she was with the other day.

And suddenly, all of the laughter that surrounded them both, as well as the happiness of everyone around them, seemed to not be able to cross the boundaries of the shade that the tree provided them, almost as if it was a barrier of all things positive as it left nothing but the heartaches and the rapid emotions.

"We can't be friends anymore, Elle. I'm sorry." She looked at his face and found no trace of any emotions whatsoever. No sadness. No regret. No guilt. No remorse. No anything. All she saw was the face of a stranger; the face of someone she thought she knew.

She asked herself where the interesting yet concealed boy was now? She wondered of that boy contributed to this one who stood in front of her. Her mind pondered whether this was what he really wanted, to not see her face anymore.

Elle felt like she was being pulled back into the hurricane of her sadness. It was like being sucked into a void of darkness with only a few seconds left in the sunlight. It felt like she was waking up from a beautiful dream and back into the depressing reality that she always knew was going to find a way to pull her back in.

True, it was nothing romantic, but there was definitely something there. But that something was long gone as she watched him slowly take a step back before walking away to the main building, leaving her alone in her numbness and disbelief.