Lost Stars

xxiii. whirlpool

My life up to this point has been a very depressing shade of grey. Honestly, I have no clue as to what else I can do in this world. It seems that I've been bound and chained to see the worst in everything just so that I could spare myself from suffocating from self pity. I have lived my life as full as a diagnosed cancer patient like myself can, and I haven't seen anything particularly new that I haven't seen before.

But today was different.

It started the moment I woke up. I wasn't being bombarded with all my precautionary negativity like I was used to, they were actually optimistic thoughts, which was unexpected since I was going to miss my Algebra exam to visit the doctors again. It didn't really matter though because it's not like I was going to be alive that long to be able to properly use my education anyway.

And I was pretty sure that my unusual dose of positivity was my gut telling me that the doctor's appointment would overlap with those stupid guidance circles that mom and dad forced me into, but that was just another disappointment tossed over to my already overflowing plate of disappointments.

So there I was walking as slowly as I could to try and delay seeing that cursed sadistic witch again, but just like my life was going to be, it ended too soon. But when I went in, it was like a garish ray of sunlight just bursts out of nowhere, and my breath hitched for a moment.

Her name was Elle, and that was basically everything I knew about her, but I wanted to know everything about her. I have only ever heard of miscellaneous things of her, and everything was revolving around how she was just as much of a mystery as I was. And I didn't know if love at first sight was really, but after today, I was one step closer to believing it.

I heard that she didn't waste her nights getting drunk and partying. I heard that she did her homework. I heard that she really paid attention in class and didn't let anyone copy from her papers. But these were just things I've heard. Seeing her earlier made me want to memorize everything about her.

And at the end of the day, here I am now casually laying down on my bed, and I can't stop thinking about her. The way she absentmindedly nibbled on her thumb. The way her eyes nervously scanned the room and how her ankle twitched once in a while. Every memory kept replaying itself in high definition. I had the incredible honor of sitting next to her, but that just makes it so much more painful to have to shut her out.

At this point, I'm near my end, and I can't let anything else tamper with my decision to go out as silently as possible. But maybe in another life, one where I'm not condemned to this depressing one, I could be her friend and just be fortunate to have known such an amazing person.

Yeah, this was the journal entry that Jack made (what it was like to see her for the first time) magical, ain't it? hahahaha

anyway, can anyone anywhere recommend to me a fabulous movie or a book. one where the plots are unheard of but romantic and are leaning more towards the dark side?

I really enjoyed meet joe black, and can I just say that 1998 Brad Pitt has made it in my octagon of baes ;)

and here's a recommendation for you guys: if you enjoyed this book, you should really watch Keith (2008) I have only heard of the movie recently, and I really enjoyed it which means that you guys will too.

much love,
enma xx