Lost Stars

iv. dark matter

It was a few days after the miserable words left his lips, and yet the aching pain she felt consuming her was still as alive as ever. It was a miserable life to be bounded to such hurtful words, but that was just something that was beyond her control. The tears that fell from her face were never ending, as well as the void in her that was continuously growing as it devoured everything of her. At this point, the only thing she was aware of was her breathing. It was slow and thick as it came out in a steady rhythm. Her eyes were forced shut by her eyelids that refused to stay open for even a few of seconds.

But she knew more than anyone that life gave out no exemptions, especially towards her emotions. She knew from he multiple experiences that life resumed, even when you wished that it would just stop. It always irritated her how the world kept pushing you even when you were almost too ready to give up. It felt like a bandage being ripped off from a fresh wound every time life refused her a pause button, but she learned to just roll with it like everyone seems to do.

These thoughts easily flowed in her mind as the silence provided by the library continued to welcome her in its embrace because it was the time where she chose to do her assignments in advance, instead of getting drunk in school property. The librarian allowed her to indulge in the unique opportunity to eat her warm bagel because of her frequent visits that were often accompanied with hygiene and the abiding of her strict rules.

"Finally, I found you." Elle looked up and saw her best friend pull out the wooden chair before dropping her body. Melissa flipped her wavy brown hair over her shoulders before propping her elbow on the table and resting her head on her hand.

"You could have called, you know?" Elle stated it obviously with a small humorous smile creeping onto her face. She soon looked back down on her algebra book, while twirling her cheap ball pen around in the air. She hated to admit it, but her focus was driven away by the thought of him. The way his eyes were like no other. The way he had mood swings too often that it made his smiles all the more valuable and precious. The way he probably wasn't thinking of her like how she was doing to him right now.

"Do you think that I can be bothered?" Melissa jokingly answered her before the both of them burst into silent laughter. "Anyway, have you heard about those absurd rumors going around? The ones that you were hanging around with Kingston? What a joke, am I right?" Melissa snickered before frowning as she realized that the anticipated laughter she expected Elle to make never came.

"Should I be concerned? Why aren't you finding this hilarious?" Melissa shook her head side to side as she furrowed her eyebrows together in confusion with her hand fidgeting next to her tilted head. Elle just avoided eye contact by pretending that none of what she said made it to her ears as she continued to run the same problem through her head for the hundredth time.

Elle continued to swivel her pen around in the air but should have anticipated Melissa's next move as she was caught off guard and her ball pen was stolen from her, which made her look up at the arrogant thief as it was her turn to wiggle it in front of her as a form of mockery.

"May I please have my pen back?" Elle dropped her head to the side as she looked at Melissa with an impatient look with her hand across the table as it awaited for the return of her stolen property. Knowing what was running through Melissa's brain was definitely beyond her mental capabilities, but she definitely knew what was running through her own besides the obvious him.

Melissa slammed both hands on the table as her body leaned forward in amusement. "Spill." Her voice came out in a short yet demanding snap with a hint of excitement, knowing that what was coming would be a definite intrigue.

"We just talked, okay? It was nothing special, nothing important, and definitely none of you business." Elle ended with a smile before gathering all of her things and shoving them in her bag before exiting the library just in time for the bell to ring, leaving Melissa shocked and alone in the library.

Elle was walking to her next class, still a bit shaken up by Melissa's audacity to just attack her like that and demand answers all so suddenly. But to be honest, it totally crossed her mind that these parasites knew how to spread news like a plague. Regret soon came due to her recklessness as well as her incapability to remember to contain anything that could be linked to her in any way that these pests could alter and deform.

But then she started thinking about whether or not knowing Jack was actually a bad thing. He was definitely different from everyone else. It was the way that he never held back when it came to speaking his mind. It was the way that she felt something come alive the moment he brought a massive rainbow the moment he stepped into the monochromatic room. But then she remembered how he made a decree to forbade her from going back into his life.

All of the bad emotions finally started coming back in the form of small portions that could start a flood of self-deprecation. And at the fear of going that road once again, she made a painful yet necessary promise to herself: she wouldn't allow him to step back into her life just like how he revoked her of her ability to step into his.

It was hard. It was agonizingly hurting her to do this, but she knew that it would be the best thing for her right now. She couldn't live her life fully depending on a boy that would never even dare to talk to her ever again. Her thoughts could no longer be a shrine dedicated to him as every twitch of her brain would be relevant to him. The emotions she felt couldn't be bending left and right on his command. Her tears would never again be a faucet that he could turn on and off to his liking. Her entire being was not a tribute to him, and she would never allow it to be.

As far as she was concerned, the man who had massive temper tantrums and erratic mood swings was obsolete to her. And this was her last thought before she stepped into English.

S C A N D A L O U S :O lol, im trying this new thing out of being a mature writer by not putting their scenes in every chapter. instead, i want to go into what goes on in the mind of typical elle martin