Sane|| 5sos

Ashton

TRIGGER WARNING
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I was too scared to leave my room, my bed, the house.

I didn't want to move. I kept getting called down my my grandparents but I didn't listen. Lauren would come in and talk to me, even though she knew I wouldn't respond.

She would just talk, her words were soft not mumbled. Lauren would look over to me and smile, then say, "I'm glad we have you back."

That's how she always ended her conversation with me. She would then lean over to me and kiss my forehead, then walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.

I closed my eyes. Talk. I say to myself. Talk for her. I opened my mouth and tried to make out some type of word, but nothing but dead air came out. I sigh as I turn on to my side.

I felt a tear drip on my hand. I lifted my hand wiping away the tears from my cheeks. I stared at my wall that was covered in detailed drawings of the things I saw that night she was killed.

I swung my legs over the side of my bed and walked over to my desk, only to pick up my sketch book and pencils. I pulled the desk chair out and slowly sat down as I opened the sketch book to the first clean page.

I sat for hours drawing yet another detailed picture of her. My mom. My mom the woman who was shot down by my dad.

I looked around my room and tried to find a place to hang the new drawing. Once I found a black space of wall, I ripped a piece of tape and stuck it to the paper.

I sighed backing away and studied the drawing, causing me to sigh once more. I just couldn't do it anymore.

I turned my head towards the door and lowered my head as I walked towards it and turned the handle.

I looked down the hall to the bathroom that was next to my grandparents room. I lowered my head once again as I opened the door and walked in. I sigh as I closed the door and turned the other small metal piece to lock the door.

I walked over to the small finger print covered mirror and stared at my reflection.

Disgusting.

My face was red from crying, black and blue from bruises, and a light pink from healing scars. I closed my eyes looking down.

You're worthless. No one needs you. A voice kept saying to me. Just do it. No one will miss you.

I nodded agreeing with the voice. That's when I began searching for something to break my skin.

I found nothing.

I leaned my back against the door and slammed my hand against it. Tears rushed down my face followed by small whimpers.

Why is it so hard to fucking die? I question. I just want to die.

That's when something caught my eye. I walked towards it and placed my finger on it.

Metal.

I grinned and placed it against my skin and glided it across softly and then harder as I progressed down my arm.

That was when spots began to show in my vision. Then i felt my head hit something. Then it was darkness.

Just darkness.

Note: well shit.

Sorry, I don't update as much anymore. I just haven't had any motivation. Cause 1) not many people seem to really like my stories anymore and 2) I don't think people really care about what I do :(

Anyway,
All the love- H