Stuck

006

From the blinded curtains, the white walls, and the whole white room. It feels so big for a person who's all alone.

Namjoon slams himself in the bed and stared at the ceiling. Jin told him five hours ago that he's sorry for being too busy at work the whole day so he just needs a rest.

Namjoon sighs for the third time.

'The signs are showing up again.' he thought to himself.

He just came from work too so he's definitely tired. Well it's not actually about work why he's feeling blue,

It's about Jin.

'Will he still love me? Will he still accept me?'

All those voices keep on whispering to his soul. Namjoon starts to tear up and have an emotional breakdown. He just cried and cried silently for his bottled emotions kept for so long. He just cried it all out.

He doesn't even know what triggered all those thoughts but all he knows is he feels so empty right now.

For a minute or two, he stopped.

"Calm down Namjoon, stop it." he whispers to himself.

At times like this, Jin is his only strength. He knows Jin is probably sleeping right now but he just wants to hear his voice. Even if it's annoyed.

He stood up and dialed Seokjin.
After three dials, he answered it.

"Ugh who is this?!" Seokjin shouted as he answer not knowing who called. He just really hates being disturbed from sleep so he wanted to let the caller know.

"Hey, it's me Namjoon." he replied almost breaking his voice.

"Come again??"

Namjoon felt glad Jin didn't notice it. He fixed his throat and started talking again.

"I said it's me, love."

After a second of silence, it looks like he stood up from bed and sat down on it.

"Namjoon? O-oh love, why'd you call at my sleeping hours? You know how much I hate--"

"I love you so much Kim Seokjin."

Seokjin was taken aback when Namjoon cut his sentence with that 'butterflies grumbling my stomach' kind of line.

His eyes suddenly became awake.

"I love you more. But hey, is everything alright?" he asked, full of concern.

Namjoon calls him randomly every 3 in the morning and mostly, because of his insomnia.

He's worried that it's something deeper now.

"Uhh yes of course, there's nothing to worry bish. I'll end the call now. Sleep tight, princess."

Namjoon ended the call without allowing Jin to answer back.

'There's nothing to worry about." he whispers to himself repeatedly until he finally fall asleep.

*~*

The morning came and he found himself arguing with Jin in his apartment. Jin was the one who visited him early this morning after his call last night. But they just came with an issue and started fighting.

"Well, I just wanna know." namjoon casually said.

"you are being a nagger again, bish."

"I'm not."

"Wait, are we arguing?" Jin sighed.

"No."

"No?!"

"We're not."

"We're not?!"

"Just shut it Jin, quit repeating my answers. I'm just curious who the hell is that guy who texted you!" namjoon explained.

"What?! Namjoon are you doubting me?" Jin continued raising his voice as a sign of stress.

"No, I'm not. I'm just asking questions!" Namjoon started raising his voice too.

"What kind of question is that? To answer those conclusions in your mind? And what, you think I'm cheating on you?!"

"Well if you're not, you can atleast stop being so defensive as fvck." he hissed.

"Huh! so explaining is being defensive for you, then. Fine, if you're not trusting me--"

"STOP IT. I TRUST YOU BUT I DON'T TRUST THE GUY!" He shouted as his emotions blasted.

Seokjin felt the atmosphere. He remained silent after hearing those words from Namjoon and realized what happened.

He avoided Namjoon's gaze and pretended to be mad as he rolled his eyes upwards.

They parted ways and was left in the same apartment speechless.

Few minutes more, Jin heard his door opened and closed. A sign of Namjoon leaving. Without any goodbye.

His tears started messing his face as it flows out of his eyes continuously. Those tears he prevented to fall a while ago.

Namjoon on the other hand, felt his heart being heavy or his feelings, rather.

He left the apartment without bidding goodbye, which was one of the hardest thing he did.

He walks down the road with a straight face. A common face for him.

This appeared to be their first fight like this. They never shouted at each other. This was their first. Most are just a little piece of arguments that didn't really matter.

Namjoon sats down to the bench. He wishes to stop his mind from thinking but he can't. No one can.

"It's better arguing about it than this sht going inside my head. It's better if you'll not know Jin."  he whispered to himself.

He's aware that he messed it even more and made a real problem now but he just wants Jin to be in distant for a while. Just for a while.