Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time - Ryden

10

A/N: shorter chapter, but really important to the story. Idk this one has even my favorite to write so far. It reminds me a lot of some of my real life relationships with ex boyfriends. So... Enjoy!

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Addiction can be overwhelming. It's a feeling you get when you feel lost without a certain thing. Your body craves it as if it needs that thing to stay alive. It's like an itch you can't scratch, driving you crazy until you finally give into your urge and scratch. You can be addicted to a lot of things: cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, food, or even people. I was certainly addicted to Ryan Ross.

I thought I was over it. I thought cutting him off all those years ago would make things better. I thought falling in love with someone else would help make my feelings for him go away, but I was wrong.

Ryan Ross was a drug that my body yearned for. He was my itch that I couldn't scratch. I saw him everywhere, and at times it felt like he was all I could think about. I wrote songs about him, entire albums about the feelings I got when I was around him. I couldn't quit him, and yeah that sounds like a line from that one gay cowboy movie, but it was true. I couldn't get enough. That feeling I got was wrong, I knew that. But it was one hell of a feeling.

Telling him how I felt was like a heroin addict shooting up for the first time in weeks. At first it was painful. All I could think about was how stupid I was for saying what I did and how much I regretted it.

But then as I leaned back against the brick of the house, I saw a sight I thought id never see. Ryan's eyes watering as he ran out of the door and onto the lawn. His eyes raked the front yard, searching for me everywhere until suddenly our eyes met. That's when I felt the second part of a relapse. That rushing high that makes all of the pain worth it.

He ran after me....

He still loved me... After all these years.

"Bren..." He whispers, walking over to me with hurt eyes. His hands find mine instantly and our fingers intertwine, like they were made for each other.

"Ry..." I whisper back, leaning my forehead against his.

"You know I still..."

"I know."

He let's out a soft sigh and cups my cheek in his hand, caressing my face with his thumb gently. "We need to get you back home." He says softly.

His other hand holds mine, and when I feel his thumb brush over my wedding ring, my heart breaks.

We love each other. We always will, but this, us, it'll never happen again. I'm married. I have a wife and I love her and I won't do that to her. I won't cheat on her. And I know that Ryan would never let me do that, even when I am drunk.

"Let's go...." I sigh softly, biting my lower lip as he nods and pulls away to call a cab.

And there it is again. That sense of loss that only comes after your high. It fucking sucks, but I know there's nothing I can do.

I lost him the day I said 'I do'.