ROBOT JESUS

Black Friday

Having parked her Dodge Dart, Susan was not surprised to see a large line had formed outside the local Sooper Dooper Store.

As she walked to the back of the line, Susan checked her watch. It was fifteen minutes before the store opened.

She hoped the people lined in front of the store were there to buy items other than Robot Jesus. 

Susan rushed to beat some of the other shoppers who were just arriving.

As she arrived at the end of the line, the woman in front of her stared back.

Susan made a mental note that Jesus probably wouldn't have stared like that, but she was temporarily comforted by the hope that she would soon know Jesus on a personal level.

"Hi," the woman said, drawing out the "i," in a way that begged familiarity.

"Hi," Susan reported, burying the "i" in a way that suggested she wasn't interested.

The woman continued to stare and smile, which, after an uncomfortable silence, made Susan feel like punching her in the mouth. 

Not very Jesus-like, Susan thought and she adjusted her coat.

"I'm here for Jesus," the woman said.

"Oh," Susan said, stubbornly noncommittal. She wished the woman would just turn around and leave her alone.

"Why are you here?" the woman asked.

Susan didn't want to respond as that would just lead to more senseless chatter.

If she told the truth, the woman would just continue to talk, but, then again, the woman might continue to talk no matter what Susan said.

She seemed like the type.

Susan searched the woman up and down. Around the woman's neck was the most hideous necklace.

First of all, it was too big. 

Second of all, there were several links of different pastel colors.

Third of all, it had birds and squirrels nesting on every link, which appeared to be a cheap, hollow plastic.

"What a nice necklace you have," Susan observed.

The woman touched her necklace, revealing a slow and crooked smile.

"I like animals," the woman blushed.

Susan smiled and slowly nodded.

The woman turned around, the response Susan had hoped for, leaving Susan alone, but with a feeling of panic.

Ahead of the woman, there must have been over 200 people.

One man, she noted, was wearing an "I love Jesus" shirt over his winter coat.

A local news crew was busy capturing the scene.

"Humble dumble scratch," Susan said, under her breath.

"What?" the woman turned and replied.

"Nothing. Just..nothing," Susan said. 

The woman smiled brightly, her eyes like two lasers burning a hole through Susan's soul. 

Susan lowered her eyes, believing her efforts to be united with the one thing in this world that might save her from loneliness might be slipping through her hands.

They say you can feel the most alone while in a crowd of people.

Susan looked up at the woman in front of her, who was still staring at her and making it awkward.

Her stomach turned to a burning pool of acid.