ROBOT JESUS

Ultimatum

Gus was a big man. Running a marathon might, for example, put him in the grave.

He was the first to admit he had appetites and that his appetites needed to be fed.

This morning, as he watched the store erupt into chaos from the safety of the manager's office, he was feeding his appetite with a powder sugar covered jelly donut.

Another manager might be helping their employees, but Gus had learned from experience, it was best to be occupied elsewhere whenever anything of consequence was happening in the store because then, later you could not be blamed for whatever happened.

It was best to arrive shortly after the emergency and then quickly assign blame.

After placing the donut on a paper plate, he rubbed his pants with a large powder sugar covered hand.

It was the morning ritual.

Next thing on the agenda, check out the video files from the night before. He was hoping to catch some romance.

On a small, dingy flat-panel computer monitor, he searched and clicked through a number of folders, each labeled with dates and camera numbers, a indecipherable series of numbers unless you knew how to read them.

He double-clicked the first file with the mouse, raising his donut for another bite.

Most of the files were empty, Gus knew this from experience, so he double-clicked through many files, each showing a camera angle of a different section of the store, until he saw something move in one of the videos.

He looked closer.

A figure was moving from the showroom floor into the warehouse.

The video file had the word "store closed" burned into the upper left of the video in red, so he knew it had to be an errant shopper, someone who got locked in, or it could be someone looking to stay the night. The latter was a less frequent occurrence, but it had happened before. Homeless wretched trying to protect themselves from the cold and shoplift their way to a free dinner, midnight snack and breakfast.

Gus searched in the file system for the other angles correlating to that time.

First, he found the empty box, the box that Robot Jesus model 10,001 had exited.

He dropped the donut in the trash can next to his desk.

That was $25K of merchandise for which Gus was accountable.

Then he found the video of Justin and Aspen arguing.

And then he saw the light... Robot Jesus caught on video, interacting with his employees.

...

Downstairs on the showroom floor, Justin was whispering in Aspen's ear, a sensation, she had to admit, she didn't mind.

"I need your help," he whispered.

"You need my help? Do you see these people?" Aspen motioned to the angry customers on the other side of the counter, who were screaming out their demands for a robot. Pathetic.

Justin took her by the shoulder and rotated her around to face him.

"I need for you to get me two robots."

Aspen started to laugh.

"What are you laughing at?"

"I'm laughing at you."

In the background, Gus made his way heavily towards them, like a locomotive with a clipboard.

Aspen continued to smile, not taking Justin seriously.

Justin shook her shoulders gently to try to "shake her out of it," a sensation, he had to admit, he didn't mind.

"What the hell happened last night?" asked Gus loudly and with authority as he arrived on the scene.

Justin and Aspen turned to face Gus.

"Don't you look at me like that. I want answers and I want them now."

Justin looked at Aspen. Aspen looked at Justin.

"Do you know what happens to people who steal large ticket items? It's called grand theft robot, a felony. Do you want to go to prison?"

"No," said Justin.

Gus turned to Aspen.

"No?" she asked.

"Well then, where is it?" Gus inquired, his breath heavy, sweat dripping from his fat neck.

"We don't know?" asked Justin.

"You don't know? You don't know? How does a human-sized robot just disappear?"

"Well, it is a Jesus robot," stated Aspen.

"You have 15 minutes to get that robot back here, or not only are you fired, but you will soon find yourself in prison. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

"Yes?" Justin and Aspen replied as one.

Gus turned quickly and walked away from them.

...

While Susan and Alice stood and worried, behind them, in the men's hunting section, Robot Jesus model 10,001 was trying on hunting hats.

The two women felt a swell of relief when they saw Justin walking toward them with Aspen close behind.

"Well, I thought you would never come back," Susan said.

Justin had completely forgotten about the two women.

"I'm very sorry. I'm not going to be able to get you a robot right now."

Susan's face dropped. Alice frowned and looked at Susan.

"Something's come up, I'm very sorry" Justin said, knowing that he was violating Sooper Dooper's guidelines for customer relations, but he sure didn't want to go to prison.

Susan was speechless. She and Alice followed Justin and Aspen with their eyes as they walked away. Every hope dashed.

"You check makeup. I'll check sporting goods," Justin said to Aspen.

They split up. Justin moving towards the area where Robot Jesus was trying on hats.

Susan had never felt so lonely. 

As she and Alice turned to exit the store, they were both so devastated, heads down, they did not see Robot Jesus, model 10,001, sneak out the front door in an orange hunting cap and a camouflaged jacket over his white robe ahead of them.

They only looked up when the red flashers turned on and the loud, intermittent buzzer came on, indicating someone had shoplifted from the store, but by then Robot Jesus was long gone. Nowhere to be seen.

Every step was an effort. Alice placed her arm over Susan's shoulders.

"Jesus still loves you," she said.

Together they walked to the front doors.