ROBOT JESUS

Mass of Humanity

Standing outside the store, Susan looked behind her. The line had grown quite large, filing around the corner and out of sight.

She looked at her watch as the crowd began to count down the seconds, "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six..."

The throng pulsed, moving in waves, backward and forward, tossing Susan from side-to-side.

Feeling her heart began to race, she struggled to keep her feet.

"I'm too old for this," she exclaimed.

"Four, three, two, one!"

The doors to the store opened.

Susan didn't want to push, but she also didn't want to get run over, so she pushed, surging forward with the crowd.

In the process of shoving, running, elbowing, and shouting Susan 'accidentally' tripped a man.

She really didn't mean to do it, but in the heat of the moment there were so many young people passing she couldn't help herself.

The man fell, face first on the hard cement, his hands scraping the sandpaper-like surface.

Susan didn't know it at the time, but the local news caught everything on tape.

The man yelped in pain and scurried to get out of the way of a human stampede.

Susan moved forward, brushed forward in this human wave, like water being flushed down a toilet.

Everyone, it seemed, was there to get into that store and get their robot.

The mass behind her literally carried her through the front doors, her feet leaving the ground.

There, falling off to one side, wide-eyed, panic-struck, like a deer-in-the-headlights stood Justin.

The mob pushed her into the open spaces between the racks at the front of the store and right into him. No way to avoid full frontal contact.

Justin put his hands up at the last second to protect himself, his hands sinking into Susan Sommerstone's flesh.

They toppled backwards, Susan landing on top of Justin and they bounced before settling on the cold tiles. Justin's face was now as red as a beet.

Hearing the stampede rushing by, Susan and Justin turned to see the feet, when another body bounced with a thud on the shiny floor next to them.

The woman with the pastel necklace lay there looking at them, much too close for comfort.

...

Meanwhile, Gus was jumping up and down in the back office, his loose flesh following his movements like jelly.

His laughter filled the small office. Seen from outside, he could have been having a heart attack or choking on a hot dog.

Add another video to the collection. Label: comedy.

His head rolled back on his neck, making him appear to be some kind of bird doing a mating dance.

After a few horse-like snorts, he quickly moved to operate a keyboard and mouse, rewinding the digital video and playing it back.

...

Susan looked at the woman with the pastel necklace and groaned.

She rolled off Justin, who sheepishly avoided her gaze.

"Now ohhh," Susan exclaimed, lying on her back.

"I'm sorry," Justin said quickly.

"Well don't be. Just get me one of those Robots!"

Justin jumped to his feet. This was not covered in the Sooper Dooper employee manual.

"First let me help you up," he extended his hand.

"I don't need your help getting up," Susan said, pushing onto one knee and rising, "What I need is my place in line."

They turned their heads to look at the back of the store.

There was a mass of hundreds of people huddled under a sign that read, ROBOTICS.

"Woah," Justin expressed his amazement at the size of the crowd.

"So?" Susan queried.

The woman with the pastel necklace stood up next to them.

"I'd like a robot too."

Susan scowled, "Well, I'm afraid you weren't just groped by an employee."

The woman frowned deeply as if she might cry and Susan instantly regretted her sharp tongue. Jesus definitely would not have snapped at the woman.

"Let me see what I can do?" Justin interjected.

"Right," said Susan.

"What's your name?"

"Susan Sommerstone."

"Alice Hopper," the woman in the pastel necklace added.

"Okay," he addressed Susan, stealing a quick glance at Alice Hopper's necklace.

"I need to check our stock."

"Alright," Susan said. This might be taking a turn for the better, she thought.

"Just..." Justin paused, "don't get your hopes up because we only have a few hundred units at this location."

"You will be getting me a robot, today, or be prepared to pay the consequence for your actions," Susan adjusted her coat.

Justin's face flushed a second, deeper shade of crimson.

"Okay, okay. Let me look," he said.

Susan and Alice watched as Justin disappeared into the mass of humanity.

"We're here for Jesus," Alice reported.

Susan considered Alice briefly before looking towards the robotics counter. The mass was now screaming at the employees behind the counter.

And then they saw it.

Like teenagers the two woman swooned.

A smiling man walked passed the two women, his robot walking behind him obediently and spouting lines from the bible like a human-size, walking, talking, wind-up Sheriff Woody doll from Toy Story, but dressed in a white robe, with leather sandals and a big brown beard:

""How happy are the humble-minded, for the kingdom of Heaven is theirs! How happy are those who know what sorrow means for they will be given courage and comfort! Happy are those who claim nothing, for the whole earth will belong to them!"

Susan and Alice continued to swoon, both coveting their neighbor's Robot.

Each turned to the other, and now both of them were wearing sad frown-y faces, joined together by their desire to at last be close to The Savior.

...

Meanwhile, the store seemed to be erupting into chaos.

One male customer lofted him self over the robotics counter.

Aspen was there to greet him, pulling some fancy karate moves and making strange karate sounds before a pair of security guards dragged the man away.

"Back off!" she addressed the wall of customers who were leaning over the counter in front of her, "Or you will be escorted from the store, like this chump."

Justin approached from behind and tapped Aspen on the shoulder, whispering in her ear.

...

As Susan and Alice watched the scene progress, model 10,001 made a second appearance, rising up behind the two women, unnoticed, smiling a Mona Lisa smile.