Not Of Language

8.

I opened Instagram and instantly go to my profile. First thing I notice is an unfamiliar post...posted by me.

There it was on my profile page. Somebody had hacked into my account and posted a picture of Sean and Jade side by side. The caption state,"These idiots😂I never really liked them tbh, just trynna smash with the hoe. The dude, he was a lost cause who needed some attention and he was lucky enough to get me."

After seeing this, I didn't even bother to go after Sean and Jade I was too hurt and needed time for myself, I think it hurt worse knowing that if I had gone after them they wouldn't have believe me anyways.

I went back home as tears just flew from my face as I sprinted there. I was so mad yet torn and I couldn't comprehend what was going on.

I literally almost kicked down the front door as I smashed into the he house, I couldn't control my anger.

My mom was in the kitchen when I arrived home, she obviously knew I was pissed. She tried talking to me before I decided to make my way upstairs.

She was yelling at me to come down the stairs to talk to her but I didn't listen. Half way up though, and I felt bad I was taking it out on her.

Mad as I was, I headed down the stairs. I went into the kitchen trying to control myself from throwing anything in sight.

I was angrily grunting as I bawled, throwing myself in the stool by the counter.

"Hey, hey." My mom rubbed my shoulders as an attempt to call me down. "Tell me what happened."

"No, ma. I don't wanna talk about it. It's stupid anyways."

"No, it's not. Please tell me. You've been acting different since the game. What happened?" I didn't want to but I needed to. I had to get it out before it destroyed the person I was.

"Okay." I calmed my breathing before I spoke. I told her everything, from the day after the game, to the Instagram hacker. Everything, even the cutting.

"I-" she was utterly surprised but reliving the story as I told it made me bawl even harder as I did.

Before she finished her sentence, I gently yet firmly nudged her out of the way so I could get up and rush out the front door again. If I was gonna blow up, I'd want it to be on anyone in the world but my mom.

***

I found myself walking and walking with no targeted destination until I began my route across the bridge connecting my town with the next.

As I walked, I stared out into the blue green of the water, the orange-pink sunset framing it. I loved water and landscapes and all that. It was one of my many stress relieving techniques.

I stopped entirely just to turn towards and gaze out at the view. I'd seen this river many many times before as I traveled for football but never like this. It had always been in the daytime and then night time on the way back.

This, by far was my favorite stress reliever.

My thoughts and satisfaction were abruptly pierced through and torn apart as the horrifying sound of police sirens rung out across the town and bridge.

I just knew it was because of me.

I sprinted the rest of the way across without looking back. I felt like I could run forever. I sure as hell tried and I sprinted at least for a good twenty minutes before the sirens died slowly and came to a stop.

They hadn't seen me at all though but they were cops, and they had cars. It wouldn't be long before they either found me or started a bigger search but I found a place to crash for the night anyways.

It wasn't much of a place at all, just under the metal stairs in an alley way. Well I mean, what do you expect when you run away.

Actually, running away isn't the term I'd necessarily use for this. I was just...well...taking a break.

Sitting there, under the stairs, I felt so compacted even though I've never been so free.

This really isn't what I ever thought it would come to. I went from insanely loved football star, to depressed disobedient teen boy being chased by police. I it never had to be this way though of course and I do understand that it wasn't entirely my fault.

Everything happens for a reason...well that's what I go by anyways.

Try as I might, I just could not find a good reason that this was happening. No one should be bullied or judged by anyone for any reason. Especially if it's not even their business.

Ugh! Why doesn't every one just fuck off? People should honestly die!

As soon as the words passed through my head, I instantly took them back and cursed myself.

Why would I curse death upon others when the only one who needed to die or wanted to die at that, is me?

That's when it hit me; today's the day...

...and what better way to go than with the view of a sunset framing a beautiful lake.?