Not Of Language

9.

I stare out at the open water, my hands gripping the railing so tight that my knuckles turned a white color.

Yes, I plan to jump. It's not a mistake, it's more of a goal. I do want to and no it's not an excuse or a plan to get more attention. It's more of an escape, an escape from making people upset all the time and being upset all the time.

It gets old, especially when you're so used to be happy.

My eyes cloud up and tears begin to fall as I stand up on a nearby bench and step up onto the thin railing. I balance myself and glare out at the wide view. It was much better from up here.

It surprised me how none on the passing cars honked or stopped or anything. Trust me, I didn't want them to but I had just expected them to.

I stand there for a moment, reflecting on past experiences. At this point, I'm not even paying attention to the balance I'm supposed to be keeping on the rail but somehow my feet manage to stay put.

The tears began spilling wildly, quietly slipping down my cheeks.

The sun was almost all the way covered by the horizon. I want to get this done before the sun goes down, the view would be a beautiful last sight.

I slowly lean towards the lake and shut my eyes. It's like slow motion as I feel my feet slowly slipping.

I feel relieved as I'm about to plummet any second now.

My feet just barely slip from under me when I'm roughly jerked backwards. I fall off the railing and onto the sidewalk, hitting my back on the cement, my head towards the road.

I let out a gasp of air, the wind had been knocked out of me. Collecting myself, I glare up just to see Hunter standing over me.

He puts his hand out for me to take and I accept the off after a moment.

I can see in his eyes that he was absolutely pissed.

"What the hell are you thinking?" He screams.

I just look into his infuriated eyes without answering.

Then, he does what I hadn't expected. He cries.

Bawls even. Huge tears and sobs escape him and I feel pity for him and myself. Slumping down on the bench, I just watch as he paces back and forth, running his fingers through his hair and occasionally wiping the tears away.

He stops suddenly after about fifteen minutes. Calmed, he sits next to me.

"You like sunsets, don't you, Kade?" He asks.

Confused by the question, all I say is, "Yeah."

"There aren't any sunsets in heaven."

I feel the hot tears return once again.

"Yeah? Well, there aren't haters in heaven either."

"You don't know that."

"You don't know there aren't any sunsets there either."

He pauses before saying, "I don't. Please don't find out."

I feel the tears fall and Hunter only hugs me without saying another word. I can't remember the last time we hugged but I'm glad I'd stayed back long enough to feel it.

The cop sirens return, cutting the hug short. There wasn't any reason to run any longer so we sat and waited until the loud noise along with the flashing lights grew more noticeable.

As they approach, I feel as though my eardrums would burst. I already had a migraine from all the crying and now I had the sirens continuously buzzing and flashing in my head. Fortunately, they cut them all off before stopping in front of us.

The window of the passenger seat rolls down.

"I think you know what's next?" The cop says, referring to the part where we get in the back.

We did just that and sat in silence the entire way back home.

"Tell your mom that we'll have someone call her tomorrow. You two stay out of trouble now, I don't even wanna see you two again." He gives a smile.

"I sure hope not." I say, opening the door and letting myself out.

Hunter follows me as I head for the porch. I didn't really want to be the one who went in first for whatever reason, so I waited for Hunter to catch up so he could open it.

Upon entering, the only thing noticeable were the sobs and the crying pair in the kitchen. Sierra and mom were sitting on stools pulled up to the counter.

Sierra's head was in her hands and my mother was wiping her eyes with a napkin.

Their eyes shoot up like bullets almost instantly and the sobs halt abruptly. Sierra was the first to get up and run towards us. She hugs me around my waist and I squeeze her in my arms.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. "I was gonna do it."

"But you didn't." She whispers back. "That's all I care about."

Mom was next and she tightly hugs me too. I hug her and apologize to her also. Through the tears, she musters a smile as she grabs my head in her hands and looks into my eyes.

New tears roll down her face before she hugs me again.

The phone rings just as the hug ends. It was the house phone hanging on the wall of the kitchen and my mother was the only one allowed to touch it so she was the one to answer.

Sitting on a stool by the counter, I relax a bit, happy to be home. I watch her as she takes the call.

She doesn't say anything else but, "Hello."

I slowly see her face go from a smile to a horrified frown before she slowly lowers the phone from her ear and hangs up.