Not Of Language

11.

"I'm captain?" He sounded excited yet I knew he was utterly confused.

"Yes, you're captain." I reply.

"But...why? You said I couldn't even play until next season and...I was a dick to you." He sounded guilty.

"Sean, just win championships for me." It was the last thing I said before pressing the red icon.

The call ended and everything was silent again. I then stood from my seat and walked over to the ledge of the balcony to see the view.

It was great. Beautiful flowers lined the outside of the backyard of the building. There was a perfect view of the underground pool of the hotel, all lit up with waterproof lights.

There were a few people in there, it was just a single family though. A mom, a dad, a son, a daughter. All splashing, laughing, and carrying on. It reminded me of how I actually did miss my dad.

My phone became my best friend once again as I took it out and dialed my father. He didn't answer as expected but I left a message anyways.

It was a voice message saying, "Hey, dad. We haven't talked in a couple weeks and this passed week, I've missed you the most. Things haven't been very good with me but I hope they are for you. Um...I love you and I know you won't be able to get back to me in time 'cause you're probably busy but...yeah. Bye, dad. I miss you."

My voice choked up at the end so I cut the voicemail short. I didn't want him to worry at work.

I take one last look at the view before heading back in. Quietly, I tiptoe to Hunter still lying on the floor. I kneel down beside him and gently kiss his forehead.

I do the same to mom then Sierra. With Sierra though, I know she felt it because as soon as I made contact with her, she slowly opened her eyes.

"Hey." She said groggily. "Why aren't you in bed?"

I smile and push her hair back. It was soft under my fingers and tears dripped at the fact that I'd never feel it again.

"Don't worry. I'm coming to bed now."

She smiles and her eyes close again. I assume she couldn't make out my tears through the darkness but I was glad.

I sat on the floor right there before I was certain she'd fallen asleep. Once her breathing grew heavy with slumber, I stood and made my way out to the balcony again.

I take my phone from my pocket and place it on the bamboo table. If my father were to call throughout sometime in the night, I'd want someone to at least call him back in the morning upon finding my phone.

I know they'll find it.

I stand at the edge of the balcony again, hands wrapped around the railing.

The view was just great as always but now it was even better since the sun was just coming up making a sunset illusion with its sunrise colors.

I sigh and look down. Only thing directly below is a bush lining that wrapped all the way around the pool.

My breathing slows as I sit down, my legs dangling off the edge. There was just enough space between each baluster, or the supporting posts for the railing, for me to fit both legs in and just sit.

I felt the blood from my legs rush to my feet as they dangled over the edge. It was cooler sitting down here. Cooler as in air and in view.

It felt like I was closer to the sunrise. I always wanted to be in front of the sun as it set or rose but unfortunately for me, it's way up there and I'm way down here. But even though, sometimes it feels as though I can touch it, you know?

The thought just kind of urges me to reach for it. So far out in the distance, it looks so big and just mystical to me.

I want to touch it just once.

I scoot from the edge, reaching my hand out until I feel only air surrounding my whole body. I'm falling...but it's okay.

Sometimes I feel as though dying means that I get to see and touch the sun. Touching the sun would take me away from all my problems, the hate and from being so misunderstood. But most importantly, it would take me away from the earth, making it impossible for me to even hurt anyone.

I remember Hunter saying that there are no sunsets in heaven but I believe otherwise. Not like he'd ever understand that though. No one could, and no one ever will.

It's not entirely their fault though, I'm just not of their language but more of unspoken language. But now I know, thats okay. I'm the only one who needs to understand.

I hear my name being called from above but the last thing I see before hitting the ground is the sunset shining in the distance and at that moment, I feel no regret. I get to touch the sun.