Can't Let You Go - A Leonetta Fanfic

Chapter 9

In the meantime, in the square, Federico and Ludmila were having a stare contest. Federico had asked Nata to bring Ludmila to the square. The girl would never come if he had asked, he knew. When Ludmila understood that she had been tricked by Nata into coming to the square, she had been pissed. Before leaving, her best friend had whispered in her ear, "Don't fight it, Ludmila. He's worth it."

Federico, from a close distance, watched. He seriously wondered what Nata had whispered in Ludmila's ear because the girl was momentarily out of it hearing those words.

Ludmila turned and looked at Federico. She met his gaze and he had a hard time figuring the expression on her face.

She threw the hair lying over a shoulder onto her back and turned on her heels to walk away.

"Did something happen?"

"What are you talking about?" Ludmila asked over her shoulder.

Federico walked around Ludmila to stand in front of her.

He shrugged. "I don't no. There's just...something," he simply said.

Something quickly flickered in her eyes and Federico got his answer.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Yes, you do."

And since then, they had been staring into each other eyes, each having a point to prove.

Suddenly, Ludmila broke eye contact, put some distance between them and said, "You want to know? Fine!"

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"My parents don't even want me," Ludmila was saying. Somewhere during her narration, they had sit on a nearby bench. "One left me and went to Africa to never come back, the other went on a tour of 4 months. She's coming back, you know. My mom? I talked to her this morning on Skype. We haven't talked in months and the only thing she got to say to me is that I look horrible." She shook her head and looked at Federico who was leaning his elbows on his knees and was looking at the ground. "My parents don't love me Federico. How can I expect other people to?" How can I expect you to?

Federico suspected that what happened with her mom had a big part to play in Ludmila opening up to him.

"What about Nata? Hasn't she been here before the thing with your parents happened?" Federico asked in the same position.

"Nata is my best friend."

Federico nodded when it dawned on him. "And the only other person who could truly hurt you. So you shut her out before she could do so."

Ludmila said nothing. Just pulled to her feet, her bag hanging off an arm. Then, she started
walking.

"I'm sorry."

Ludmila spun around. "Oh please Federico, I don't want your
pity."

Federico shook his head before looking up at Ludmila. "I'm sorry because I did nothing. I always knew you were in pain and I did nothing."

"There was nothing you could have done, Federico."

"I could have been here for you."

That got to her and she stayed silent. She looked at her surroundings. When she looked back at him, she frowned.
"Stop looking at me like that. Why do you always look at me like that?"

It was his turn to frown. "Like what?"

"Like you don't see anyone else but me. Stop it. I don't like it."

Federico was confused. Didn't she like to be in the limelight? He stood when something hit him. "Is that why you told me?" She ignored him, looking everywhere but him. He moved into her line of vision, forcing her to look at him and said, "You think that all of this is going to change how I feel towards you? That's not going to happen. I still love you. Maybe more after what you just told me. I'm not giving up on you for something like this, Ludmila. And just to make something clear," he added, "I'm not going to leave you. If I wanted to leave, I would have done so a long time ago."

"You are saying this now. But I can't change who I am, Federico."

"Is that really who you are?"

"I don't know. I have been like this for so long that it may as well be me."

"I don't believe that. Neither does Nata. You don't either."

When Ludmila just stared at him, he knew that he was losing her. Wen she turned on her heels and began walking away, he knew he had to stop her.

"Let's be friends."

Ludmila turned around. "What?" she asked as though it was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.

"You and me. Let's become friends." As he spoke, he crossed the distance between them.

She crossed her arms before her. "You are in love with me, Federico."

"Yes, I am."

Ludmila shook her head, throwing her hair onto her back. "We can't be friends."

"I know what you are thinking." She met his gaze. "You are right. I want to be more-than-friends with you but that's something not possible right now. You are not ready for that. For you...saying I love you will be like saying I trust you. Which you don't. Don't you think being friends is a good start for that?"

She was already shaking her head. "I can't be another person just like that, Federico."

"I'm not asking you to be another person. I fell in love with you the way you are, remember? I'm just asking you to let people see that girl. The one I fell in love with." He let a moment pass and then continued. "It's not going to be easy, I realise that. You don't have to do it right away. You can take all of the time you need...and I'll be with you every step of the way."

Once more, she didn't say anything but he took it as a good thing this time. Because he could see her thinking about it, considering his words.

She tilted her head, looking at him. Federico saw her then. The Ludmila he and Nata knew. The mask was gone.

"Am I worth it? All the pain that I'm causing you?" she asked him.

"What do you think?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking you."

Federico took a moment before answering, "Yeah. You are worth it."

And just like that, the mask was back. Ludmila walked away but a few steps ahead, she stopped and turned around.

"Better make sure that this friendship thing between us works or I'm truly going to hate you. Hurt me Federico and I'm going to be really mean to you. To hell if it's me or not."

Federico nodded and as if relieved, Ludmila's expression softened.

"See you at the studio then," she said.

He nodded again and watched as she walked away. I'm never going to hurt you. I'll always be here for you. From now on, you will never be alone.

"I promise."