Damaged...But Not Broken

Opening Night

Jessica woke up on opening night; she thought she would be nervous but she wasn't. She got out of bed, took a shower and got dressed. She was going to meet Sarah for breakfast. She and Sarah had gotten closer over the time of rehearsals. Jessica had gone over to Sarah and Lily's apartment for dinner almost every night after rehearsals and Jessica was finally letting down her guard. Not so much her guard, just having not being afraid to talk to people. Although with men was a different story. Yes she talked to men but only professionally. The men in the cast had asked her out to go on dates but of course she turned them down. With me. She had her guard way up.
"Maybe I could be a lesbian." Jessica thought to herself and laughed at herself. "No that won't work!"
She grabbed her purse and keys and headed out the door. The restaurant they were meeting at was only a few blocks away, she decided to walk. She loved walking; it helped her clear her mind. All of sudden she had a feeling of being watched and followed. She stopped, turned around and started to look for the source. She saw no one suspicious and everyone that was walking were going about their business. She turns back around and continues to the restaurant.
"Gosh Jessica, you're being paranoid!"
"Good morning Sarah!" Jessica said as she sat at the table.
"Good morning Jess!"
They ordered their food and sipped on their drinks.
"Jessica? Can I ask you something?"
"Sure?" Jessica replied with uncertainty
"Where does intensity come from? I mean when you're acting? Seeing you in rehearsals is just breath taking and well heartbreaking. I've seen the play before and I have never seen an actress bring so much emotion into the role."
Jessica looks down; she stays quiet for a while.
"I don't know...I just, reach down inside me and bring out...my pain." she answers as she tears up. "I just took and put it into the character."
Sarah had noticed before on the times she had hung out with Jessica. She could see there is a deep pain Jessica is hiding. Even though they've known each other for three weeks, she had really come to care for Jessica. Sarah wanted to ask many times before but always chickened out.
Sarah puts a hand on Jessica and says, "Jess, you can tell me anything. I'm here for you if you need to talk."
Jessica heart warmed up at her words. It had been a while since she had a friend to talk to. She wanted to blurt it out and tell Sarah everything but she didn't want to get into it in that moment. Her divorce was made public thanks to the media but to as of the real reason why was still a mystery to everyone. Jessica let out a small sigh, shejust wanted to go back to being excited about opening night.
"I really appreciate that Sarah. I really do, I wanna talk about it and I want to tell you...but not today."
Sarah smiled and said, "Okay Jess, whenever you are ready I am here."
After they were finished eating they stay for a few more minutes talking then they said their goodbyes until the night at the theater. Jessica was almost back at her apartment when that feeling of being followed came back. She turned and looked and again saw no one. She shook her head and continued on to her apartment.
"Get a grip Jessica! What is wrong with you? You've walked everywhere with no problem before. Why are you freaking out now!?"
Jessica got to the theater and everything was in full swing! Excitement was in the air. They were gonna perform to a full house; people from magazines, newspapers and critics, plus they were other celebrities that we're going to be in the audience.
Jessica got to her dressing room, got into costume and waited for hair and makeup. She was scrolling through her phone for some music to put on. She clicked on Tony Bennett and his voice flowed through her room. She felt relaxed. She loves Tony Bennett, she hadn't listened to him in months. Come to think of it she hadn't listened to any music in very long time.
"Geez, how much he turned you into an empty shell......fuck! Stop thinking about him! He's out of your life for good!" Jessica said to herself.
Hair and makeup walked in and began getting Jessica ready. Everyone met backstage and got in a circle.
"Okay this is it everyone!" said Joe "these past couple weeks you all put so much into this. Now tonight everyone in that audience will get to see y'alls hard work. Now there are some tough critics out there and tomorrow they will write their reviews. But I don't want anyone to think about them, forget they exist for now. You all are amazing! Alright, five minutes!!! Places!!!"
Once Jessica took the stage she let go of every thought and Blanche took over. Next thing she knew the whole cast was on stage taking their bows. The applause was thunderous; Jessica looked out into the audience and they were all standing on their feet. Her eyes filled with tears of happiness. Sam took away her identity, her friends and family; left her feeling less than human. Now as the curtain fell she was determined to get everything back that Sam took away. And she finally felt alive.