DIRTY LAUNDRY

perks of dating a scene guy

I think thats what hurt the most,
the fact that I couldn't do anything....and the fact that you made it this way

the idea that I will never understand why
because its very likely I won't ever see you again

maybe at a party or a show....

but even then you will look at me through my soul like im any other stranger
like we didnt sleep together
like our emotions did not weep together

and you might stumble upon the thought of me
but thats all it will be is a stumble
you know how to pick yourself up
if you even fall at all
if I even bare to call it wont go through because you made sure of that
and even if it does you wont call back

you convinced yourself of things far beyond how I truly feel
you believe that wealth is what will make your self-inflicted wounds heal

but I miss you
if that even means something now
if it even counts to say .
I just hope I can see you again one day
and hold you
and reassure you that I have no other desire than to be here. 
I hope I can let my guard down enough to really show you how much I care.

I can write scriptures on this paper
and not be able to recite it,
but I can be in solace and loneliness will creep into my spirit
and I know I wont be able to fight it. 
why does these thoughts mock me when the night end?
// e.b.