DIRTY LAUNDRY

2:32am

I get tired of you telling me,
I could never have a grey moment
I could never look bad.
and all those things that girls spill their guts over to hear.

You cant get me with your puny punchlines
and automatic decline.
I put that shit on rewind
every night.
because I like to feel the atmosphere under my wings during my flight.
I live off the thrill of thoughts like you when your abstract and dripping emphysema
but I dont make my own choices in this life the world makes them for me
so as my eyes brighten in the presence of iridescent light bulbs and billboards let me live like I've reached my midlife crisis
I know good and well im no where near 40
but imagine fringe, whiskey, and a strangers passion flashing before your eyes the morning after
the lightness of your skull measure as its approaching
I run around the thought of pleasure in circles returning to the same destination
loneliness and secret affairs
sadness that you cannot compare to your worst moments with
You couldn't relate to me if you listened to drake every night
or if you replicated the ambience the songs given off
you know nothing
until you experience what both ends of the spectrum has to offer
this is why I like being the author of my own catastrophe
because Im the one with the pen baby
and I could choose to scratch you out all together
but it's something about that scene weather that rained down on me like metonymy of your existence
everything is you
from music, to t- shirts, to jokes, to social media, to my own goddam cellular device
dont ask me what happened to me being nice
you made me this way
and watched from a far what your disarray created
//e.b.