DIRTY LAUNDRY

comet

it was in that moment of recollection.
a brief playback of the prior semester, where I instantly became attached to home like a kindergarten to their mother on their first day of school.

school reminded me how much of a failure i was.
how much all the effort I invested into myself meant nothing.
how I silently failed the portion of family i still have.

i was devoted to education until it consumed me and surrounded me like 4 walls a ceiling and a floor.
until it morphed into lecture halls and cata buses galore.

until i had a life outside of it.

until it murdered my motivation, my dreams
the correlation of the cruel realities of life and a paid ticket to make it all alright plummeted into a sea of oblivion making me ignore,

how i am now obligated to literally change the person i just came to know and love
to endure the stress that college plagues me with.

im on death row until a exam is in front of
me.
the announcement of the beginning of the next hour and a half of applying concepts to real life scenarios sound so simple and facile
but i pay the price of death , impactful.

i thought i knew who i was until this multiple choice assessment deemed us mutual enemies
and its weapons prosper.
with trick answers and ambiguous ultimatums.

i hate college
i will always hate it
as long as my sacrifice for sanity, peace of mind, and sleep is insufficient
as long as it pushes the walls of my limits.

i hate college because with my participation I involuntary signed away friends, relatives, relationships and dating all together.

little did i know the title of loner would be stamped upon my precious caramelized forehead invisibly,
that i would try to make these 12 credits worth of courses my friends,
that i would like my dislikes so much as long as it took me away from seeing green and white hues everywhere in sight.

im not proud to be a spartan.
the words "college student" just rushes out of my mouth like vomit
and the pace of time speeds across the skies of my transferability into adulthood like a comet
//e.b.