Month 22.
My opinion and feelings about Philip were gradually changing for the worse. I could not accept the way Phillip treated me. I did not want to believe what other people, including my friends, were implying about Phillip and refused to listen. Phillip could not be a dog, he just couldn't!
I began to slowly sink into depression. There was no solace for me – not even at work. I reverted back to staying by myself and not speaking to anyone, including my co-workers.
The jealousy that I felt for Cari and Phillip's friendship, put a deep wedge between us that would never be mended. I slowly began distancing myself from Cari. I stopped eating lunch with her. And I no longer called her at home or hung out with her on the weekends.
When Phillip would come by Cari's desk and joke and speak to her, I would break down crying in my office. Fearing that someone would hear, I would go downstairs to the second floor lobby. The lobby was usually empty and I could sit, meditate and pull myself together. This entire situation with Phillip was beginning to affect my physical and my mental health. I was losing sleep and weight.
To make matters worse, people began to mistake me for Phillip's wife. This had happened before Miami, but now, it was happening more and more on a frequent basis. I guess it was my weight loss that brought the resemblance to the forefront.
Everywhere I went, people would come up to me mistaking me for Teri Sanders, Phillip's wife. I hated it! Every time it happened, it was like a slap to my face. Even Teri's own relatives often had problems with the uncanny resemblance. What was happening here? Were these people trying to drive me out of my mind? Surely, everyone who knew Teri and then saw me could not be telling the same lie.
Teri worked for Payless Shoes as a store clerk. Phillip omitted this fact from any conversation involving his wife's professional status in the work force. I always believed that Teri was a manager at Payless Shoes. Moreover, when other people asked Phillip what his wife did for a living, he would always say that she worked in finance.
Once I sat down and thought about it, I was the only one in DPS who had never met Phillip's wife. I had been working for Phillip for almost two years, and I had never met his wife. Everyone who knew Teri commented on her beauty. Surely, if there was a resemblance, Phillip would have seen it before anyone else. Why hadn't he ever told me that his wife and I resembled? Even Doris and Steve, Phillip's best friends, would often discuss my resemblance to her. Whenever this discussion took place, Phillip would be asked why he had never introduced me to Teri. Uncomfortable with the subject, Phillip would quickly change the topic of discussion.
One evening on my way home from work I decided to stop by the video store and pick up a movie and video game for Alarah. A new video store had just opened down from my house. They were advertising a special, two videos for the price of one. I walked into the store and asked the owner if I could fill out a card for membership.
The store owner looked at me with a puzzled expression and asked, "Why do you need to fill out another membership card? You just rented tapes a few minutes ago?"
I looked at the owner, speechless and unsure about how to respond.
"I have never rented tapes here before," I replied.
"Wow!" He exclaimed. "I am sorry. There was a lady who was here less than five minutes ago who looks just like you. That's why I behaved so funny. Sure, you can fill out a membership card. Do you have a twin sister?"
"No," I replied. I filled out the membership form and walked over to the new releases section and selected a movie and a video game.
After finding what I wanted, I walked back to the counter to pay the rental fee. When I looked up to give the owner my money, I saw my reflection in the store mirror. My heart stopped, and my mouth and eyes sprang wide open. It was not a mirror. It was a window. And it was not my reflection. It was her. Teri Sanders. I did not move, I could not. I stood there in a state of shock watching her as she got into her car and drove off.
