I Love You

Chapter Thirteen

French

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I manage to make it home before the rain falls. As I shut the door behind me, the first drops of water splash on to the ground. A brief sigh of relief passes my lips. The house is warm and inviting. The scent of spaghetti lingers in the air, pushing the bad thoughts from my mind.

"Harmony? Is that you?" My mother's voice calls out to me from the kitchen. I shout a response back, dumping my school bag by the stairs. There is faint cheering in the background, which I assume is coming from the TV. As I shrug my jacket off, my mother emerges from the other room.

"I decided to make a stop on the way home." I explain, hanging my jacket where it should be. My mother nods, wiping her hands on her jeans. Her hair has been pulled up into a messy ponytail. She always insists that we wear our hair up when cooking. "Is Kazuki upstairs?"

"Yeah." She nods, mustering a small smile. All of us are aware that he could explode at any given moment. We have been watching what we say, watching what we do. With David taking over his old house, Kazuki does not have much going his way.

"How has he been?" I always ask this question when I get back home. The answer is always the same.

"All right. He's cried a couple times, but other than that, he's been in your room. I think he's been playing some game all day." Her voice is dripping with the same worry that has been present since his mother's death. I know that my mother is struggling, too. She misses being able to shop with his mother. She misses placing bets on how my relationship with Kazuki will progress.

"I see." With that, I go to head up the stairs. My mother nods again, before she disappears into the kitchen once more. My footsteps echo loudly around the empty hallway. The bathroom door is shut. My bedroom door is open. "Kaz?" I exclaim, loud enough for him to hear me.

"Did you miss the rain?" His voice comes from the closed bathroom door. I laugh under my breath, heading into my room. It smells like Kazuki. His clothes are stacked neatly in one corner. I can no longer see the clothes I left on the floor this morning. It seems Kazuki really did tidy up, after all.

"Just about." I answer him. With a frustrated sigh, I lay down on my bed. There is a dent in the mattress where Kazuki has been laying all day. It is surprisingly warm. "Have you had fun without me?"

Kazuki emerges, halting in the doorway to look at me. His lips are pressed into a straight line, his eyes staring at me emptily. I look at him with wide, expectant eyes. He says nothing. Instead, he walks into the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

With furrowed brows, I sit in silence. Kazuki runs a hand through his hair, beginning to pace back and forth in front of my bed. Mumbling quietly, I sit up. My arms wrap around my knees, pulling them towards my chest. When he finally stops walking, I am scared.

"Harmony, talking to you earlier got me thinking." The start of his speech is as fearful as I imagined. His eyes meet mine. "Perhaps some time away will do me some good. I know you don't want me to leave. I don't want to leave you, either. But I need time to think. I need time to be inside my own mind." Kazuki begins to pace once more.

My brain has stopped functioning. All I can do is sit and stare at him. All I can do is watch as the sun reflects off of his silky hair. I listen to the sound of his voice quietly swimming through my mind. But I cannot think of anything to say.

"Where will you go?" I whisper, turning my head away from him. I cannot be the one to make decisions for him. If he wishes to go, I can only ask him not to. But that doesn't mean he will stay. If he truly wishes to leave, who am I to stop him?

"I don't know." He responds. There are footsteps, each gradually sounding louder than the last. The mattress dips and I know that he is sat beside me. I still don't look at him. I do not want him to see the tears in my eyes. "Harmony, don't hate me for this. I will come back. Someday."

"What am I supposed to do while you're gone?" My voice breaks and wavers. I do not want to cry. There have been far too many tears recently. Yet I am still concerned. School has always taught me that people should never be alone when they are grieving.

"You'll be fine without me, Harmony. You were fine before you met me, so you will be fine while I'm gone." Kazuki mumbled, running his fingers through my hair ever so gently. My chest is rising and falling far quicker than I would like. I continue to glare out of the window on my right wall. It is Kazuki's choice, so I shouldn't cry. "Harmony, please look at me."

"How long will you be gone?" I ignore his request. The tears are beginning to overflow as the reality begins to set in. Kazuki is going to leave. Kazuki is going to head elsewhere and leave me on my own. "How long?!" I raise my voice, whipping my head round to face him.

I seem to startle Kazuki. He stares back at me with wide eyes, his lips partially parted. His chest is rising and falling in time with mine. Despite it being his choice, his eyes are glossy. Why is he crying, too?

"I don't know." He says, finally dropping his gaze. With a shaky hand, I cup his chin and tilt his face upwards. My touch sends shivers through his body. He frowns as one of the tears slips past his barrier. "I don't know, Harmony. I just know that I need to get away."

"I understand." It is true. I do understand his reasons for wanting to leave. But that doesn't mean I agree. It doesn't mean I want him to go. If anything, I want him to stay where I feel I can help him. "Will you call?"

"Yeah."

"Will you text me?"

"Yeah."

"Will you video chat me?"

"Yeah."

I nod, rubbing my thumb in circles on his cheek. He seems to nuzzle into the comfort that my hand is offering him. His eyes flutter shut, which only allows more tears to slip down his cheeks.

"I don't expect you to wait for me." He breathes, his voice barely audible in the silent room. At this, I shake my head. No matter how long he is gone, I will wait. Even if he finds someone else, I will wait.

"I'll wait. Even if you're gone for years, I'll still wait." I tell him, before resting my forehead against his. He doesn't say anything to me. So I take the opportunity to press my lips to his. If this is the last time I will see him, I want him to know how I feel.

So I kiss him with as much love and as much passion as I can muster. He does the same, wrapping his arms around my waist. Kazuki pulls me into his lap, allowing him to press his chest against my own. My arms snake around his neck, my fingers tangling in his soft hair.

His tongue slides into my mouth and I realize that we have never kissed this passionately before. I will not get the chance to kiss him like this again for a long time. The realization causes my tears to finally fall. The salty droplets mix with his, streaming down our faces.

When I pull away from him, I send a small smile his way.

"Je t'aime." He whispers, though his voice wobbles. Instead of ruining the moment, I remain silent, mustering a small nod. I cannot stop him from leaving. But I can wait.

For Kazuki, I will wait.