pills // malum

three// can you feel my heart

"i long for that feeling to not feel at all"

calum's eyes blinked open, music still playing into his ears. he groaned and grabbed his phone, checking the time. 9pm. he had just spent some of his last living moments asleep.
he tiptoed out into the hall to see if jis mother was still awake, and sure enough, she was. he could hear the flipping of her magazine pages and the occasional sniffle. normally calum didn't leave his room at night because his therapist recommended he go to sleep at earlier times so if he gets a nightmare, he won't be extremely tired the next day at school.
it had been a month since calum had seen his therapist. his mother would drop him off at his therapist's office, but calum would never go in. he would just wait until his mother drove away and then he's read a book at a nearby park. he didn't want help, he was too far gone.
he went back into his room, quietly. he heard footsteps approaching his room, but he knew it was just his mom checking to see if he was asleep. he grabbed the note he had written and put it under his pillow before shoving himself under the covers so he could pretend to be asleep. the doorknob twisted open right when he was settled. he heard his mother sigh in relief as she glanced into the room. she closed the door and calum heard the lock from the outside click. his mother locked him in his room every night; she claimed that it was because he sleepwalked, but calum knew that it was actually because she's scared of him. he didn't know if she thought he was going to hurt himself, or hurt her, however, it didn't matter. she wouldn't have to be scared anymore.
by the time he heard his mom go to sleep for the night, it was 10:30. he took his note out and put it on his desk, them he opened his window wide enough so he could easily slip through. his mom never thought to lock the windows. and then calum began the last walk he would ever take.