pills // malum

twenty// medicine

"you've got a warm heart, you've got a beautiful brain,
but it's disintegrating from all the medicine"

it should have been an average saturday. calum would read a book and listen to his music, maybe clean up a little bit, but things weren't average for him anymore, especially today. calum's mind was a blur except for the lingering thoughts of ending it all. it reminded him of the days before the bridge and other times before.
when michael wasn't next to him, he was in calum's head. his voice was the voice of all of calum's bad thoughts, everytime he'd think something bad about himself it'd be in michael's voice. he just wanted it to stop. he could take his normal dose of medication, but he'd just throw it up. he was worn out, and he was done with fighting this.

every saturday, calum's mom went out grocery shopping. this saturday, calum knew that that would be his chance. he could wait until it's dark out and his mother was asleep, but she still locked his door at night. this was the only point in the day when she was out of the house, as she didn't have work on the weekends.
as for a note, calum considered simply reusing the one he wrote before the he met michael on the bridge, the one that started with 'dear everyone stupid enough to care about me,' however, this time calum realized that no one truly cared about him. he settled with tearing a page out of a school notebook and scrawling the words "i'm sorry" with shaky hands. he stayed in his room, finally letting himself cry after weeks of holding it in, and he pulled at his hair as his now small frame rocked back and forth. if michael were next to him, he'd be calling calum weak and other names, but he didn't need to be there because calum already knew those things.

when the front door slammed shut, signaling that his mom had left, calum didn't move at first. he first stopped his crying, he didn't want to spend his last moments crying, but he couldn't calm the tremble in his bones. he slowly peeled himself from his position on the floor, and grabbed his crumpled note, taking it with him to the bathroom.
a few tears strayed from his eyes as he leaned over the counter, breathing heavily.
he placed the note next to him and opened his medicine cabinet. there was a lot of pills, including sleep meds and pain relievers, but calum's eyes immediately traveled to his prescription. he grabbed some bottles and placed them on the counter, choosing the ones he thought would do the most harm. he grabbed his prescription, recalling how it was supposed to calm him and get him away from his hallucinations, maybe this time it'd finally do the job. he  started by pouring a few in his hand, and then grabbing another bottle and pouring some of those in his hand, and continuing until he had a lethal amount of pills collected his his palm.
he let out a shaky breath. this is it.
one by one, calum shallowed a pill, knowing that he'd be gone within a few minutes. he saw the silhouette of michael next to him with a hand on his shoulder telling him it was for the best. when he was done, the effects didn't kick in right away. he lowered himself onto the ground, flattening the note down beside him.

it started with calum simply feeling sick, making calum question if it would work or not, but you can't just get away with a stomach full of pills. he felt himself break into a sweat, and then the pain hit him hard. it flared through his abdomen and wrapped itself around his organs, curling through his fingertips. his head was spinning and all he saw was a blur of michael's face looking down at him, seeming to get further away. he remembered moments from his life, like playing in the sandbox with the real michael sitting next to him. they tried to build castles together, but calum would accidentally knock them down.
calum couldn't tell where he was anymore, everything was red and white and black and he couldn't tell if he was moving or not. he couldn't feel his entire body. his chest got tight, he felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. michael was still looking at him, his face shifting and morphing into different faces only to swtich back to michael. he felt his eyelids get heavy, and the overwhelming feeling to just drift off take over. he couldn't hear anything but his own rapid heartbeat and blood rushing and he stared at michael'd face watching him until he turned into luke and then everything went white, and it was too bright for calum so he closed his eyes and didn't open them.

"you could still be what you want to, what you said you were when i met you"

luke didn't get why calum wasn't answering the door, barely even left the house. calum had said he could come over and that they could hang out, but he wasn't answering the door or the texts luke sent. luke tested the doorknob, discovering that it was unlocked, which was strange considering ms. hood was gone. he wandered into the house, already feeling guilty doing so. the house was silent, which wasn't strange, calum was a quiet person. what caused chills to run down luke's spine was that the door to calum's bedroom was wide open. luke waled over and peered in the doorway, but calum wasn't in the room. his hands started shaking, his brain going to the worst case scenario.
that was when he heard a thump from the bathroom.
luke whirled around and knocked on the door. another thump was heard and luke knocked again.

"calum, are you in there?" luke said loudly. when calum didn't answer, luke just assumed he was in there and experimentally twisted the knob, which was unlocked like the front door.
"cal, i'm coming in," luke called out.
when he tried to open the door, it stopped on something, making luke's eyes, flick down to the floor where calum was laying, flailing his limbs and most likely having a seizure. panic consumed luke's thoughts and he was quickly by his friend's side. he saw the scattered bottles of pills on the counter, some of them empty. luke pulled his phone out from his pocket and called 911 and told the operator what had happened, tears streaming down his face. he ghrew his phone away from him and saw calum was flailing less.
luckily, luke had taken a first aid class, so he had a vauge idea of what to do. he turned calum on his side and checked his pulse after tilting his head back to open his airways. there was a faint pulse still there. after taking all of the precautions he had been told to do, he let himself look over calum. his lips were blue and his eyes were closed. luke wanted to cradle the boy into his chest, but he couldn't do that until calum was in a better condition. so he took calum's hand and stroked it and let himself cry over his dying friend until the sirens were outside the house.