Hero

Chapter 2 - "So, are you going to get your first kiss, or what?"

Chapter Two - "So, are you going to get your first kiss, or what?"

As we did most days we spent in the yard, Robert and I sat at a metal picnic table, playing card games. Also like most days, I won. A thin trail of smoke snaked out from his cigarette, dangling between his pressed lips. He stared down at his cards, fixated on trying to beat me at my own game.

Though Robert was concentrating on the game, I could barely read the number six on my card. My vision, getting worse, it was lucky I could even see. My skin crawled as I tried my hardest not to scratch, while the sensation of ants crawling inside my skin never rested; a new symptom. And though it must have been over 100 degrees in the yard, I couldn’t stop shivering. I hid all of this from Robert, not wanting to worry him, but on the inside I was miserable and screaming for someone to do something. Stop all of this before it kills me.

“I got nothing.” Robert finally huffed, throwing his cards down on the table. While taking a long drag from his stub of a cigarette, using it right down to the filter, he gave me the once over. “You look terrible.”

I laid down my cards, relieved I didn’t have to read them anymore, “Gee, thanks. That’s every girls dream; to hear they’re ugly.”

Smoke gently puffed into my face as he snorted at me, “Don’t be silly; you’re gorgeous.” Whether it was true or not, I couldn’t say. Without mirrors anywhere around here, I haven’t seen what I look like in over six years. I barely remember what I looked like when I was thirteen, and now I’m nineteen – I could be hideous for all I knew. Robert continued, “What I meant is you look ill. Have you eaten today?”

“No, and I won’t pretend I’ve eaten for days. I can’t keep anything down as it is; why would I try? My stomach feels like a vacuum, and it’s in reverse. There are just so many things that are…wrong with me. Ever since they began giving me that medicine everything is fuzzy, my skin is just on fire, yet freezing at the same time. I don’t know how much longer I can take this.” I finished, shaking my head. I’ve never had any of this happen to me while on their drugs. When I first came here, the sensations were just so weird. I was horrified; I didn’t know what was happening to me. And now it’s that all over again; I’m scared, sick, worried, paranoid…what’s going to happen to me? Will I die? Am I not strong enough?

As if hearing my thoughts, Robert reached across the small table we sat at, moving our cards out of the way as he did so. His warm fingers intertwined with my frozen ones, “Don’t talk like that… I know it’s scary, and you don’t know what’s going on, but… I won’t let anything happen to you, do you understand? I’ll talk to Dr. Sean; maybe I can see what this stuff is made of and see if I can get him to stop using it on you.”

I nodded, knowing Robert wouldn’t give up until something happened, something good. He knew what I was going through; he’s a doctor, he’s seen sick people before. He knows the pain, and knows the desperation. I looked into his eyes; deep sapphires, sitting in his natural lightly tanned skin. They were so warm, so trusting. I wondered what color my eyes were, not remembering anymore. Were they brown? Were they green? I secretly hoped they were deep blue, like his.

Another puff of smoke made its way between us, making me cough slightly. “You know, those are bad for you.” I reminded him once again, like I’ve been doing for years.

“Like cocaine is good for me?” He teased, putting out the small piece of cigarette that was left, rubbing it into the ashes sitting in his ash tray. “What difference does it make? If I die, it would only be relief.”

I frowned, “No. If you die, what would I do? I’m not staying here alone, Robert. I can promise you that.”

Robert continued to hold my hand as we sat there, just looking at each other. I temporarily forgot about my skin, about how cold I was, or how poor my vision was at the moment. All that mattered was I was finally relaxed; an effect Robert seems to have on me.