Hero

Chapter 5 - "It's not my fault your needles are cheap."

Chapter Five "It's not my fault your needles are cheap."

I sat numb as they gave me my drugs for the day. The fighting was over, and I promised myself I would never speak again. My throat felt constricted as I stared to the wall across from me. Today, they were only giving me Gold; no more heroin. My body didn’t respond to it like I had been anticipating, which I was thankful for. I had already gone through enough emotional and physical pain…

It’s been three days since I went to Dr. Allen’s office; the pain was gone, but now I was scared. It was something I could never have back; the only pure thing in my entire body. The only thing I had left, the only thing that was mine. With my entire body being violated by drugs, my virginity was all I had.

The doctors patted my arm and said the same thing they’ve said every morning for the past three days; “Be good today and you can go outside.”

I didn’t speak back, nor did I give them the pleasure of a disgusted look. I stayed numb while they left and shut my cell door; I stayed numb while I sat in the deafening silence that surrounded me. I didn’t want to go to the yard; I didn’t want to go anywhere. I didn’t want to sleep ever again, either, for all my dreams turned to nightmares, filled with needles and Dr. Allen, ripping off my clothes…

I felt my arms tighten around my waste as that last thought crossed my mind. Though he was gone, and it was over, the memory lingered and I knew I would never forget it.

I suddenly wondered what my mother would say if she ever found me again. What would I say to her? Would I tell her about everything that’s happened to me? Or would I just try my best to forget it all. I remembered a long time ago, I swore they’d never take my spirit. I would always be the happy girl I once was, no matter what they did to me… It lasted a week.

The sun poured into my room, despite my emotion. It blared on me, warming my skin a little. Today would have been a nice day to go outside, but I was in no mood to face anyone, much less Robert. He would ask me how I’m doing, and I would say the same thing; not good. How can I be good?

A slow tear fell down my cheek, creeping down as the time passed.

I missed my life, now more than ever. I vowed if I ever got it back, I would treat it with such respect. I would remember my ‘ma’am’s and ‘sir’s, would always donate money to charities, and would never miss a day of school. Every small moment of happiness would be greatly appreciated, while every sad moment would be accepted.

The sunlight shining on my hand grew warmer, until it felt almost like it was getting…burned. I looked down, wondering what was happening, when I saw it. There was a glitter to my skin; subtle, yet beautiful. It was confusing as well; there’s no glitter anywhere near this place. My eyes scanned up the rest of my arm, and saw the shine everywhere, even on my legs, stomach, feet and chest. Puzzled, I tried the think about anything that could have cause this…

Day four, when the doctor came into my room, he knelt down to inject me with more Gold. As he pressed the needle to my skin, he frowned. “That’s odd; this is a new needle. Maybe it’s just a bit dull.” He nodded at his own excuse and stood to leave, then came back with a fresh needle. Once again, he frowned, but after pushing a little harder – hurting me in the process – he finally got the needle in. Happy with his accomplishment, he smiled to me and left. When my meal slid through the small slot in my door, I quickly grabbed it and began eating. For weeks, I hadn’t eaten much, but now that I didn’t have heroin anymore, my stomach didn’t hurt anymore.