Epilouge

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White. White everywhere. It hurts. My back is on fire. The pain is unbearable. I try my best to keep my cries in, but it is nearly impossible, due to all the pain I'm in.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT! IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S DEAD! DON'T YOU DARE CRY! EXPERIENCE THE PAIN SHE FELT BECAUSE OF YOU!"

Tears sting my eyes, as I waited for this painful nightmare to end. He hits me again and again. Reopening old wounds and creating more. It was an agonizing cycle of hurt, I knew all to well. I wish this was over. I wish my mom was alive. I wish my father wouldn't beat me. I know all this wishing is useless, but it takes my mind off of the searing agony of the belt buckle hitting my back, over and over again. I closed my eyes, hoping to escape this dreadful reality of my so called life.

"YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT. OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES. LOOK AT ALL THE TROUBLE YOU'VE CAUSED ME. NOW I HAVE TO WASH THE BLOOD OFF OF ANOTHER BELT."

It had been a good thirty minutes since he had gotten home, and here he is. Beating me. I honestly wasn't surprised anymore. He did this almost everyday. He would come home, dead drunk and then lose his temper over any insignificant thing. Today I had dropped a plate. It didn't break, but he still went off on me either way. There was a time when he would genuinely cared for me, but that was a long time ago before my mother died. He always ended up yelling at me about my mother. She was an amazing woman. She died when I was around 11. My mother had died at least 7 years ago. I'm 18 now. At first he didn't beat me, but it had eventually grown into him hitting me every other night.

"I-I-T'S YOUR F-FAULT. I H-HATE YOU."

Oh thank God. When he started to cry, he usually left me alone. He would then down a couple more beers and yell at me to go to my room. This was a good thing because my back was bleeding more than usual. Usually he only used a belt on me but today he had kicked me and used a belt. My back was throbbing and my eyes we're blurry. I waited for the next strike, but he had stopped early.

"GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW. LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU. WASTE. OF. FUCKING. SPACE."

I hurried up the stairs and up to my room. I locked the door as soon as I got in. Why did it have to be me?! Why did I have to get hit?! What did I do wrong?! I didn't deserve this shit. I grabbed a change of clothes and ran into the bathroom next to my room. I tore of my clothes and jumped into the shower. The water was cold, but I sure as hell would not wait for the water to warm. I needed to breathe. I took a shaky breath as the water cascaded down my back. It hurt so bad. I needed to clean the wounds though. Tears dripped down my face as I gasped for air. Why did I have to suffer like this?! This question could easily drive me insane. I was too afraid to tell anyone about my Dad, because they would never believe me. In the past, I had tried to tell my friend Jean, but he just laughed it off. He had said I was hungry for attention. I had fallen into a pit of despair back then. If it weren't for my other friends Mikasa or Armin, I'm sure I would have done something stupid. I had to be strong for them. I quickly washed my hair and cleaned my aching body. I threw on my clean clothes and winced. It hurt like hell. I walked out of the shower and grabbed my first aid kit from under my bed. It was a tiny tin box I had managed to smuggle past my Dad. It was the only medicine I had. I tossed my shirt onto my bed as I grabbed a small tube of ointment and rubbed it onto my back, the best that I could. I then slapped on large bandage. I then snatched a roll of gauze and wrapped around my waist. This would hopefully leave the bandage in place. I grabbed a pill of the drug store pain relief I had, and popped it into my mouth. I looked into the bottle and frowned. Shit. I only had about 3 pills left. I would need to go buy a new bottle tomorrow. I decided to sleep shirtless, too tired to even care. I cried hard as I recalled the pain I had felt earlier. I hated my father, but I was too afraid. Too alone. To do anything about it. I grabbed my phone from my nightstand and plugged my headphones in. A random song played as I closed my eyes waiting for sleep to overtake me.

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