Love Is Stupid |✓

|21|

I dashed away from my bed, and paced back and forth the small space in my room. My hands were fisted tightly over my hair, and my breath came out in short pants as anxiousness slowly wrapped around me. It was like a big and thick duvet that covered my face - trapping me. Suffocating me.

"No, Cassidy I can't. I just can't. He hates me! I-I... what would I say?"

Cassidy slowly walked over to me, grabbing me by the crook of my elbow, so that I was facing her. "Phoebe, tell him what you feel. Tell him what you want to say. For the first time Phoebe, be honest with how you feel. Let go."

I stared at her blankly, my eyelids blinking rapidly as I tried to absorb what she said.

Let go. I wanted to let go. I wanted to be free of guilt, to be able to admit that I didn't think love was stupid, I wanted to love freely. I wanted to be with Jason, but I was scared. I was scared of doing the wrong thing and end up hurting. I believe in karma, and I thought that if I followed my heart, I'd end up reaping all the bad things that I sowed. I wonder how it would feel to cut all these loose ends, to start all over again by righting the wrongs, and finally doing what was right. Letting go of all the pain, of all the burden that was weighing down on my shoulders had been my hidden dream. Only a wishful thinking that I never thought would happen, and now, it was sitting in front of me, in a form of a sparkly and silver iPhone. I could finally let go of all the things that kept haunting me. All I needed to do was take the risk.

But could I really take it?

"But what if... what if... he doesn't want to talk to me? If he hates me?"

She sighed, squeezing my arm in hopes that it would comfort me. "Whatever happens, at least you did your part. What matters is that you'd give him and most especially, yourself closure. If he decided to bite your head off, then at least you said your peace, right?"

I bit on my lower lip and nodded hesitantly. She smiled at me, grabbing her sparkly phone that I left on top of my bed. Taking my hand, she placed the phone in my palm and gently squeezed my hand.

Cassidy offered me a bright and reassuring smile, and I tried to give her one too. With the way my heart pounded heavily in my chest, I was sure as hell that it looked more like a grimace.

"Dial him up. I'll be outside your door waiting, in case... um you need me," she said before walking toward my door. Once outside, she poked her head between the small gap of the door and frame, her hand still wrapped around the knob. "Holler when your done, 'kay?"

I nodded and took a fast glance at the phone in my hand. "Yeah."

When the sound of the door clicking reached me, I was finally faced with the reality and task that I kept running away from. How could someone talk to their ex who thought that they cheated, after a year of pretending that each other haven't existed?

What should I say?

Whatever happens, at least you did your part. What matters is that you'd give him and most especially, yourself closure. If he decided to bite your head off, then at least you said your peace, right?

Oh fuck this! Unlocking Cassidy's phone, I scrolled through her contacts with shaking fingers. My foot was tapping repeatedly against my room's hardwood floor. I could also feel the cold sweat that was trickling down my forehead despite the cold. I continued to scroll down until I saw Miles' name on the screen.

My hand hovered over the screen,  just right above his name. For a moment, I contemplated, thinking that maybe I should just turn off the stupid sparkly iPhone. Then, I decided against it. I needed this. I needed to fix my loose ties, I had to have closure. If I wanted to live a life with no more mistakes, if I really loved Miles, I'd do this.

I had to do this. Not for Miles, not for Jason, but for myself. For me.

When that surge of small courage finally warmth my heart, I quickly tapped onto the screen before I could change my mind, and pressed the phone against me ear. I cleared my throat, silently listening to the steady purr of each ring coming from the cold metal against my ear.

"Hello?"

-

Happy birthday to me! haha