lust //r.k.-p.p.\\

x i x

Alessandra »

I thought I had full control over knowing who I was and how little I meant to the world around me before being enslaved on Neverland. Many activities became routine here; wake up, eat breakfast, train, eat lunch, train again, get beaten for some reason, and skip dinner to be able to sleep away the pain.

It has been two weeks since Pan caught me visiting Simon in his cage and I received a hearty beating from the Lost Boys when dusk rolled through. I do not think I will ever be able to erase the burning memories of the rage in Dylan's eyes and it made me wonder how it got there nor the odd smug wiped across Pan's face during my punishment.

Deep down, I knew Pan fed off of my reactions here, testing me to the very edge to see how elastic I was. He wanted to push and pull me apart until I laid waste in a pile of weakness, tears, blood, and surely death.

Many of the Lost Boys kept to themselves during the day except for training, huddled in groups for support but separated once the horn was blown to signal the ends, but Wesley was different.

I admired how ignorant he was to what really goes on around  here— unless he knows and he has grown to hide it from everyone, including himself.

Being stuck here on Neverland reminded me of how ignorant I was, back in the real world, towards my mother. My cries for help reaching out to a force I could never have imagined: Pan.

To me, Pan was a very complex being, always willing to seem to reach out to others but once given the chance he cowers back into his turtle shell and becomes cold and stiff to avoid an evident display of weakness.

He was an Alpha figure to himself and to us, towering over us all and ruling with his cold fist, to frighten us in order to follow him like little minions.

Currently, I was finishing up with training by myself, my archery skills improving quickly since I first started which impressed Pan greatly to my surprise.

He had not bothered me yet today until I watched him saunter over to where I was, seeing his blurry figure as my eyesight was concentrating on the target.

"Aless," he mumbled once he stood next to me and I waited for an insult to be thrown my way, "relax your jaw. It is re-concentrating your mind to other than what you are trying to aim for."

Oh.

I gave out a soft grumble of approval and unclenched my teeth to relax my face, feeling his eyes watch my every move to point out anymore signs of weakness from me.

Releasing my clasp on the bowstring, the arrow whipped through the air and landed on the white ring just outside of the bullseye and I sighed.

Pan crossed his arms as I went to go reach for another arrow and he cleared his throat, "no need. Dinner is soon."

I slowly retracted my arm and pulled the quiver over my head, placing it upright against a nearby tree and resting the bow next to it, "what is to eat?"

"Food," Pan bluntly stated and I pursed my lips after half expecting the answer he gave, "lets go."

I nodded meekly and followed him as he led the way to the camp grounds, the bonfire quickly roaring to life as we neared it, a few boys huddled around in groups to avoid eating by themselves.