Broken ~ Law and order SVU

~ 1 ~

Olivia p.o.v.

No! No! Get off me! Get off me!! No.....please. I open my eyes. Okay, take a deep breath, it was just a dream.

I get out of bed and walk towards the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror. I don't see me anymore, I see a damaged woman. I let myself sink to the ground. I feel the tears streaming down my cheeks.

It's been 4 days since it happened. I was just walking home from work and all of the sudden someone grabbed me. He pulled me into an alley and he raped me. Yes, I know, I'm trained to defend myself, I'm a goddamn detective, but I couldn't do anything. After he was done I just went to my apartment. The next day I called Cragen to tell him I was sick. That's what I said to everyone, I'm sick. Elliot has tried to call me a couple of times but I didn't answer, afraid I would break down the second I heard his voice. I get up and look in the mirror once again. I still have bruises all over my body. I turn around and go back to bed.

The next morning I just go and sit on my couch, just staring at the wall. I don't want to do this anymore. I will never be the same again. I decide to go to the precinct and say goodbye to everyone, I know they'll try to stop me but they won't be able to stop me. I've made my decision. I grab my gun and put my coat on. The whole way to the precinct I keep thinking about what I'm going to say. Olivia Benson, the woman who everyone thought was strong is going to end her own life.

Before I know it I'm standing in front of the precinct. I take a deep breath and then I walk in. I already feel tears coming up. I walk trough the doors and I immediately see everyone standing there. My heart starts beating harder and I think to myself that it would be a lot easier to just turn around and don't say anything. Just as I'm about to turn around I hear captains voice.

"Olivia."

Everyone looks at me. I know they're all looking at my bruises.

"I...I need to talk to you." I say.

I see the concern in everyone's eyes, especially in Elliot's.

"To me?" Cragen asks.

"To all of you."

Everyone still just looks at me.

"What's going on Liv?" Elliot starts walking over to me. "Who did this to you?" He asks referring to the bruises. He tries to grab my hand but I back away.

"Don't touch me!!" The tears are now streaming down my face. I see Elliot has tears in his eyes now to. Cragen, Munch and Fin are coming closer now too.

"Olivia, what happened?" Cragen asks me.

"I..I..he...he raped me." I say as I fall to the ground. Almost immediately Elliot drops next to me on the floor and raises my head.

"Who... Who raped you. I'll kill him personally."

"I..I don't know."

"Elliot, take her to my office." Cragen tells Elliot. Immediately I get up.

"No, I.. I'm leaving. I just came to say goodbye."

"Where are you going?" Munch asks. I don't respond. I just hug Elliot.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper in his ear.

Then I turn around to run out of the precinct. I know they are coming after me so I have to be quick. As quick as I can I run to the nearest river. I put the gun to my head. This is it then. I turn around only to see Elliot and Fin running towards me.

"Don't come any closer, I'll pull the trigger." Elliot starts walking. Fin stays a bit behind.

"Liv, don't do this to me."

"I don't want you to see this Elliot."

"I can help you, we'll get trough it together." I start to cry even harder.

"I'm sorry." I whisper.

Then all of the sudden I feel someone grabbing my arm. It's Munch. I start screaming. "No!!! No!!!" I try to fight him but when I also feel arms around me I give up. I just let everything go and feel my body falling into the arms around me, Elliot's arms. He places my head to his chest and holds me while I cry.

"It's going to be okay Liv, I'll help you, I won't leave you alone."

After ten minutes of crying. I decide it has been enough. I sit up and wipe my tears away. I look at Elliot.

"Thank you."

He helps me stand up.

"I'll take you home."

I just nod and walk with him to his car. Cragen, Fin and Munch have already returned to the precinct. In the car we don't speak, but that's fine. Elliot follows me to my apartment. When we're standing in front of my door I turn around and look at him.

"Thank you." I say once again.

"I'm not going to leave you Liv."

I don't understand him.

"You think I'm letting you be alone now. No, I'll stay. If you don't mind."

"Eeh, no, it's okay, come in." As I enter my apartment I immediately stop walking as I see the mess I've made the last couple of days. Everywhere is broken glass and everywhere on the floor there are torn apart pictures. I feel Elliot's hand on my shoulder.

"I can take you to my house, if you want to."

"No, I couldn't do that."

"It's no problem. Kathy will understand."

"Sure?"

"Yeah, let's get some clothes."