Prove It

Chapter 4

Sierra went through the rest of the school day like a zombie, unconsciously ignoring everything and everyone around her. This must be what depression feels like, she thought. What the hell was she thinking lusting after Tristan? Did she really think no one would notice? How many other people knew? The questions flew through her mind as she stared into nameless faces and wondered if everyone knew her secret.

She really didn’t want to be at school right now. She seriously considered ditching, but if her dad found out she left school early, she’d be grounded forever. Maybe she could skip school on Monday, pretend to be sick, but she immediately rejected that idea. Even though her father would probably not question her staying home (sometimes being a girl has its perks), she wasn’t a coward. She was not going to run away from her problems. She was just going to have to tough this one out. 

At times like this, Sierra wished her mom was around. There was no one she could talk to. Her dad was completely out of the question. She couldn’t talk to him about Tristan, especially since he was so strict on his dating policy. And with her best friend being pissed at her, Sierra felt utterly alone.

The rest of the school day finished without further incident. Sierra didn’t recall how she got home. She didn’t even remember taking her clothes off and climbing into bed. She closed her eyes and drifted off, the events from earlier replaying in her mind like a broken record. She saw images of Tristan. Him talking with her, smiling at her, comforting her. She would always remember those moments. Those moments that gave her hope that one day…

Sierra opened her eyes and shot up in bed. She had to stop doing this to herself. Why couldn’t she stop thinking about him? How many times did she have to tell herself that he wasn’t hers? He’ll never be hers. He has a girlfriend. Not that she needed the reminder, that fact was made painfully clear earlier from that confrontation with Jessica. But none of that made a difference. The hopelessness of the situation made Sierra want to cry from the frustration. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Tristan. When will she get over this stupid crush?

She groaned, realizing that this must be how Reggie feels. Is it possible he was having these feelings he couldn’t control? That he unwillingly thought about her day and night and dreamed of the day they could be together. She was such a jerk to him, throwing his feeling in his face, no wonder he flipped out on her. She probably would have done the same. She promised herself to make it up to him.

Sierra knew she had to find some way to stay away from him. There’s no way she would be able to go through the rest of the year seeing his face every day, and not being able to speak to him. She couldn’t go back to the way things were, with her secret longings and constant daydreams. She’d never get over him. And she had to try. She’d start by finding someone to trade lockers with her.

Ciara’s sultry voice rang out through the speaker of Sierra’s cell phone as it lit up and vibrated. Tia. That was Tia’s ring tone.  Sierra wasn’t ready to forgive her friend just yet, so she ignored the call, and put her phone on silent. She closed her eyes again and finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

When Monday morning rolled around, Sierra revisited the idea of faking sick so she didn’t have to go to school. But that plan would only work temporarily since she couldn’t fake forever. She’d have to go back sometime and despite her better judgment, she wanted to see him. She didn’t go to see Tristan swim on Saturday. She just stayed home and tried to pretend that it didn’t matter that she didn’t keep her word or that she let Jessica get to her.  

She had ignored her phone all weekend and when she finally looked at it, she saw she had a bunch of missed calls and voice messages. One was from Reggie, and the rest were from Tia. She wanted, so badly, to fill her friend in on everything.