"Now tell me about when you and Ricky split up and how you felt after the break up with Jc," Dr. Wilson said.
I rolled my eyes. I was honestly getting really annoyed with Dr. Wilson.
After I told Jc about Ricky and I having sex, Jc refused to talk to either of us. I began to feel broken, worthless and depressed. There's not much to tell about Ricky an I breaking up. It wasn't exactly a break up considering we were never really together. I eventually told Ricky that sleeping with him was a huge mistake. I also told him that I realized that I still had feelings for Jc. I felt terrible telling him this, but i had to. Ricky was disappointed and upset with me for a while, but he didn't exactly hate me.
I would constantly beg Jc to forgive me. I begged and begged and begged, but he wouldn't listen. I really wanted him back. I couldn't handle not being around him anymore. It was literally tearing me apart and I swear I was going to go insane.
A few weeks after the break up, I went to Jc's house and rang the doorbell. He opened the door and glared at me.
"What the hell Jenna?! I told you to leave me the fuck alone. Go away. I don't want you here!" he shouted harshly.
"Jc, please!" I begged.
"I don't want to hear it, you slut!"
Tears threatened to fall from my eyes. I shook my head slowly. "Jc...you don't mean that." The words came out as barely a whisper.
"Yes Jenna. I do mean it! No wonder why you were bullied and made fun of. Because everything that they said was true." Jc stepped closer to me getting in my face. "Face it. You're just a dirty little whore."
Those words literally destroyed me. I felt tears threatening to fall, which they did. I slowly backed away from him.
"I loved you Jenna, but I can't love someone like you. Just leave me alone. I honestly never want to see you again," he said in a much softer tone. Jc slammed the door in my face and I took that as my cue to leave.
I sighed and walked away. For months after that, I cried myself to sleep every night. Eventually the pain became too much to handle so I would cut myself which would only temporarily relieve the pain.
Every time I did cut, it just made me want to cut even more. I cut all up my arms and legs. Then I'd go in the shower and pour soap in my open wounds. I deserved this pain. I deserved pain and suffering.
I isolated myself from the outside world and refused to talk to anyone. And eventually my parents sent me here to therapy because of my depression. They didn't know what to do. They were only trying to help, but nothing could help. I was broken and nothing could heal me now.
I sighed finishing the story.
"Aww sweetheart. You know what would really help you through this?" Dr. Wilson asked.
"What?" I asked.
"Get closure."
I was confused. "Closure?"
"Go to him. Go see him. Once you get closure, you'll realize that you have no choice but to eventually move on."
Dr. Wilson had a good point.
"Okay. I'll do it."
"After you do that, come here and tell me about it and then we'll be done here."
My ears perked up when she said that. "So tomorrow's my last day then?" I asked hopefully.
"Yes."
