Taming Lies (A Tom Hiddleston Story)

two: behind his eyes tell my story

Chapter Two
Behind His Eyes Tell My Story


I woke up the next morning tucked into bed with the sunlight pouring on my face. I stretched my muscles outward and found William curled in a ball beside me, under the sheets. He smiled as he slept. He was probably over-the-moon that he had seen his father for the first time, and it made me feel as though I had granted a wish to come true.


I stared at the ceiling and checked my watch. Eleven in the morning, Saturday, October 24th. It hit me that I had just a week until William's sixth birthday. I ran my fingers through the mess I called my hair and fluttered my eyes to a close. What should I get him? Action figures? Boys like action figures, right? Toy cars? I groaned and realised how pathetic I was for not knowing what to get my own son for his birthday.


"Good morning, William," I murmured, still half-asleep as I flipped pancakes over. They sizzled as William rubbed his eyes, jumping onto the chair at the table, "Have a good sleep?"


"Yeah..." William replied, "You're awake before me for once, Mum."


I laughed, "Yes I am, Will. That's because I get very tired."


William smiled directly at me and watched me as I slithered two, large pancakes onto a plate. I carried them over and William pounced at the maple syrup, pouring it all over and topping it with sugar. I warned him to behave, but asking a kid to go easy on the amount of sweets was like asking Steve Jobs to buy a Samsung Galaxy phone. Both simply wouldn't do it.


I finished decorating my pancake with strawberries and cream and took a bite from it. I looked across to William who's mouth was smothered in maple syrup and I leaned before him, "So, Will, what would you like for your birthday?"


William shrugged, "I don't really know. I don't want stupid clothes again though, Mumma. I've got to many."


"Clothes aren't stupid, William," I replied, "Without clothes, you would be naked. Everybody would laugh at you. When you're my age, you will love clothes and want to buy new ones every week."


William cringed, "No! Clothes are just clothes. What about Adam and Eve from the bible? They didn't wear clothes in the Garden of Eden. They liked being naked-"


"That was until they ate the fruit that the evil snake dared them to, and they realised that the were naked. That's when they decided to cover up and the learnt about the evil's in the world," I explained.


William rubbed the bottom of his chin and frowned, "So, I had to eat the fruit when I was a baby to wear clothes?"


I tried not to snort with laughter from my son's innocence and imagination, "No, Will, you didn't. Clothes are good for you," That left a silence across the flat, making me tense. I chewed on the soft goodness of the pancake while William practically inhaled pieces of his, "But seriously, William. What would you like for your birthday?"


"I'm still thinking..." Will replied almost instantly. A puzzled look spread across his face and he then shrugged after minutes of thinking, "I still don't know, I'll keep thinking. But can we go to the park today?"


"I don't see why not," I replied, "Which park? The pirate themed park or the woodland one?"


"Pirate!" William screeched, jumping up and down.


He spent the rest of the morning speaking in pirate language and commanding me to walk the plank. It probably wasn't the best thing to ask after having a sweet breakfast. William could jump off the walls if I fed him anything else that would make him go crazy, and that would be a disaster. I tried to dress him and he almost refused, pointing a plastic sword towards me. I surrendered immediately and put my hands up, raising an eyebrow, "You wouldn't kill your own Mother, would you?"


William grinned cheekily, considering poking the sword on my chest. He jolted the sword back and let it drop to the floor before running towards me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and stared up at me with Tom's eyes, "I would never hurt you, Mumma."


***


"-I mean, I can't go to a therapist because I can't afford it and because I was actually studying on being one in University. It would just cause so much pain. Have you ever heard of a depressed psychologist? I did the studying and earned a degree. I was so close to obtaining a job but stopped when I found out I was pregnant with William..." I blabbers before signing deeply. I shook my head and raised the cup of coffee to my lips, "I don't know, Laura. I'm stuck in this... jail... and it seems as though there's no way to get out."


Laura was my best friend, and the best listener when it came to my husband/son troubles. She hardly interrupted me, she just kept her mouth shut and listened, something I couldn't do with my parents, "There's always a way to get out, love. Remember that all prisoners have a release date."


I rolled my eyes, "Not when you feel like you are jailed for life," I responded smartly, pushing my palms against the warm cup. The wind whipped by briskly and I nuzzled my chin into my scarf.


"You're not the one who did a crime, Avery..." Laura added onto her therapy sentences that always seemed perfect in every way, "It was Tom." Tom. Just the audible mention of his name sent shivers down his spine, "Maybe your, uh... depression... is a way of telling you to move on."


"Laura, 'Tom' and 'moving on' should never be in the same sentence..." I snapped, my voice wobbling. Laura jerked her head back and I felt a pang of guilt sweep over me, "Oh gosh, Laura, I'm sorry. I overreacted."


"I think it's best you don't move on after your reaction," Laura joked with a smile, "You must really love him."


"It's not love, Laura," I replied, "I hate Tom. I hate him. But I know if I let him go and let William grow up without a father..." I trailed off. What would truly happen? Would I grow up into a lonely mother? Would my son grow up without a father figure? Meet someone else?


Laura looked across to me and took her eye off her niece travelling down he slide, "If you had the chance to go back in time, would you rather not fall pregnant with William and live with Tom? Or would you keep things the way it is in a world where you have William as a son?" I opened my mouth partially and stopped so Laura continued, "William or Tom?"


This I didn't have an answer to. It left me wondering which way I would turn. No words were spoken. I didn't say anything, Laura didn't say anything. After what seemed like an eternity of silence and thoughts, Laura rose up from the park bench and patted me on the shoulder, "Well Avery, I'm off. Got to take Phoebe to a doctors appointment..." She announced, grinning, "Remember, you can call me at any time. You can talk to me, Avery, you know that."


"Of course I do..." I replied, standing up to embrace a hug with her. It didn't last long before Laura disappeared with her five year old niece. William emerged from the sand-pit and dashed over to me, cupping an unknown object in his hands, "What's that, Will?"


"It's a rock!" William responded, showing his hands into my face. It was a grey rock that shimmered in the sun in every angle. I had seen it many times before, but William seemed so intrigued by it. He even labelled it as a diamond, "I want to keep it."


I patted my son on the head and rubbed my hand so it knotted in his curls, "How about we go and get an ice-cream?" I asked, linking my hand with his and placing the rock in my pocket. Will agreed instantly and I walked across the park with me. As much as I tried to shake it away, Laura's question still lingered in my head.