The Protective Heart ✔️

15. Protecting her from depression

It was the day of my mother's funeral. It had only been a day since I had gotten out of my bed and decided to actually move on with my life and now I had to do this. Nicole had taken care of everything because I had shut down emotionally and physically. I knew she was still angry with me. We hadn't talked since she blew up at me at the morgue.

"This is all your fault, Crystal! You were supposed to take care of her! She killed herself because of you! I told you she was getting sick again! I told you! But you didn't help her! You let her spiral back into her depression and you let her kill herself! It's your fault she's dead!"

"Crystal, are you ok?" Bridget's voice brought me back from the wretched memory. I looked her over in her simple black dress. Her hair was up in a pony tail and her makeup was flawless as usual. I gave her a small smile.

"Yeah, I'm going to be." I replied and then looked over the scene before me. We were at the cemetery waiting for the pastor to speak and then my mother's casket to be lowered. I looked over to Nicole. She was sobbing into her hands. She'd been crying since the funeral started and it made my heart ache to know she wouldn't let me comfort her. I didn't know if she would ever speak to me again. That almost hurt worse than my mother's death. I felt Bailey's hand reach for mine to reassure me. I squeezed it to let her know I appreciated it.

After a moment, the pastor walked to the front, readying himself to speak. He was in a black tux and his black hair was slicked back. His brown eyes stared right at me, penetrating my soul and giving me a soothing look. Then he looked at Nicole with the same look. After that, he looked up at the rest of the people in the chairs behind us and started to speak, giving the tiniest bit of tranquility to our grieving hearts.

"We have come here this day for a number of reasons...

First, we are here today to pay our tribute and our respect to a woman of God, Elizabeth Mae Hatfield.

We are also here today to show our love and support for Elizabeth's very precious family. Not only have we sensed our own personal feelings of loss over Elizabeth's passing, but our hearts have been drawn toward them, and will continue to be with them.

Finally, we are here today to seek and to receive comfort. We would be less than honest if we said that our hearts have not ached over this situation. We are not too proud to acknowledge that we have come here today trusting that God would minister to our hearts, and give us strength as we continue in our walk with Him.

It is our human nature to want to understand everything now, but TRUST requires that we lean and rely heavily on God even when things seem unclear.

Proverbs 3:5 says this,

'Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.'

I'm not going to tell you not to cry or not to experience emotions. Emotions are God-given. They are a part of who we are.

Jesus Himself said, "Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted."

Tears are the safety-valve that God built into us to help us at times like these. It's OK to cry.

I'm not going to tell you today that you'll never have questions come to you. But I will tell you this: There is something wonderful that you can focus on. Choose to focus on the things you know... things the Word of God declares.

We declare with Job... Job 19:25

'For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth.'