Crooked Smile

pain & relief . ♡ [ Chapter 1 ]

Prince ;

I sat awkwardly on the couch as I watched Ray showing so much affection to Becky. It hurt to see him love someone that isn't me . The way he cuddled and laughed with her makes me tear up. I slipped my shades on and sighed. I continued my attention to the movie we were watching. Well , I was watching .

I felt a tear begin to slide down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away before Ray or Becky saw it. I looked over at them and a piece of my heart tore off. Ray had his hands on her cheeks , cupping her face. They were kissing , like hardcore ! ( A/N ; I just had to put that ^.^ )

My mouth hung open and my vision quickly got blurry. The tears began to fall. I didn't even bother to wipe them away. I got up and ran out of the room. I didn't care if they saw me crying. I ran upstairs and into my room. I slammed my door and slid down it. I pulled my knees to my chest and cried into them.

Oh , how much I hate seeing him love her ! I love him and he's to stupid to see it. It hurts to see him get hurt over and over again ! I mean , Becky cheated on him once and he loves her ! I could see the way he looked at her , gosh , how much I wanted that to be me ! Kissing his lips , having him hold me tightly , just having to call him mine !

After about 15 minutes of sitting there crying , I had no more tears to cry. I just sat there , breathing heavy. I thought Ray would probably come up and ask me what was wrong. Of course like always , I thought wrong. I got up from the floor and slowly walked to the bathroom.

I turned on the light and looked at myself in horror. The mirror showed that I had dry tear stains on my cheeks , some pieces of my hair was hanging , and to top it off my face was some what pale. I slowly lifted my hand out and touch the mirror. Touching my reflection that copied my every move. I blink a couple of time and saw a shining light from the corner of my eyes. I looked over and saw what it was ; my razor.

The light of the bathroom made it shine and I smiled. I grabbed it and glanced at the mirror once more. I set the razor down onto my wrist and slowly slashed it. Blood dripped down onto the bathroom floor. Pain rushed through me but soon I felt relief. I smiled and made another mark.

After 4 more marks , I grabbed a towel and patted my bloody arm. I winced in pain as I touched my cuts. I gabbed 6 band aids and carefully put one on each cut. I cleaned up my bathroom floor and took the blood filled towel and put in my laundry basket. I hid my razor and walked out of the bathroom , turning off the light on my way out.

I put my Nirvana sweater on to cover my cuts. I walked out of my room and went downstairs. Only to see Ray laying on the couch , by himself. I smiled and walked into the kitchen. I started making myself a sandwich. I tried grabbing a plate from the cupboard but unfortunately it fell and hit the floor , making a loud noise. I jumped in fear and heard rapid footsteps coming towards me.

Ray ran into the kitchen and looked at me with a confused look in his eyes.

' What happened ? ' He asked. I gave him a nervous smile. I could tell I scared him , he was breathing heavy. It made him look really hot !

' I - I , uh , dropped the , uh , plate ! ' I told him. I must look so stupid !

' you scared me ! I thought I was the only one home ! ' He said. So I guess we're all alone (; I bit my bottom lip and looked down. I picked up the plate from the floor , thankfully it didn't break. Kiesha would've had my ass for that !

I put the plate on the counter and placed my sandwich on it and began walking out of the kitchen. I past Ray and his cologne filled my nose. He smelled so good ! I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.

I grabbed the remote and changed it to Wild 'N Out. Ray walked in a couple minutes later and sat down next to me. He grabbed the remote from my hand and changed the channel. I looked at him and he smiled at me.

' Give it ! ' I yelled , pulling the remote from his hand. He glared at me and I gulped. He grabbed the remote and we started fighting. I pulled one way and he pulled the other. He got up and pulled harder , making me lunge forwards. I quickly put my foot down and stopped myself from falling. This went on for about 3 more minutes or so. We kept yelling at each other to let go.

This time I pulled my hardest I could. Greatest Mistake I Could Have Made ! I pulled so hard that he fell on top of me. His legs were planted on the side of him and he was now sitting on my lap. He face was inches away from mine. I could feel his minty fresh breath on my lips.

Cause every time we kiss I get this feeling .. And every time we touch , I swear I could fly. Can't you feel my heart beat fast .. I want this to last , need you by my side.

Ray's phone rang on the coffee table but .. he didn't even bother to get it ! My heart pounded as we sat there , breathing heavy , and looking into each others eyes. I guess he realized what he was doing because he quickly got up from my lap.

He looked at me with worry in his eyes. He bit down on his bottom lip and smiled at me. He grabbed his phone , that was now ringing again.

' hey , babe ! ' He said. I guess that was Becky's ringtone. He walked out , leaving me dumbfounded.

aha(; How was it ? I began writing it around 4 and right now it's 9 ! I've been hungry all day ! So gimme some feedback ! I would love to here it ! Please no negative , though ! This is boyxboy , obviously ! So if you don't like it then , GET OUTTA HERE !!

Bye My Little Gumdrops (;