Crooked Smile

die , die , die . ♡ [ Chapter 9 ]

Princeton ;

3 weeks later .

I sat on my bed , hanging my head down low .

Stupid Jacob . Stupid . Stupid . Stupid ! He doesn't even like you & now you've made it worse . Why can't you be a normal human being . You should like girls , not boys . Stupid Jacob .

I shook my head , hoping these dumb thoughts would go away . There's nothing wrong with loving someone . Yet , it's soooo wrong for loving your best friend . Especially if your a guy & he's a guy , too .

I got up & started walking towards my bathroom . I turned on the bath water , setting the temperature onto hot . I looked at myself in the mirror & didn't see myself . I couldn't see myself . I saw someone else . Someone that wasn't me .

Hey stupid . Kill yourself . You shouldn't even be alive . You're just exciting . A worthless piece of trash that washed a shore . A failed abortion . <-- [ some kid in my school got suspended for telling people that . ]

I looked at my reflection . Depression is taking over me . Ray hasn't talked to me for 3 weeks , but it feels like we haven't talked for a lifetime . Every time I try to talk to him . He looks down & doesn't give me a response , I decided to lock myself in my room after about a week not talking to him . What's the point of going out , if he's just gonna ignore me ? Roc & Prod come in sometimes to tell me that they need me at the studio , but I beg them to tell them that I'm sick . I'm surprised they haven't questioned it .

Ray hasn't visited me or let alone pass by my room to check up on me . I know I haven't eaten much . I'm reaching my goal on losing weight . I can see my ribs . My abs aren't there anymore . Just skin , mostly bone . My color of skin is fading . My lips are pale & chapped . I have dry tear stains plastered on my cheeks .

Man . You're looking fat . Have you gained weight ? I can see a double chin . You fat son of a bitch . Gosh , you're so ugly . You look like a failed science experiment . You're a failure . Nobody likes you . They just feel sorry for how ugly & fat you are . Just die .

' Just . Die . ' I clenched my hands into fist & punched the mirror . The glass flew everywhere , falling to the floor . Pain ran through my arm . I looked down , glass was stuck in my knuckles . Blood was dripping onto the floor .

' Just . Die . ' I repeated . I walked to the bath tub & turned off the water . I stripped from my clothes . Getting some of the glass stuck in my shirt & causing them to pull out . I whined in pain .

Calm down you big baby . It's just a cut , you're acting as if you're dying .

I dipped my toe into the hot bath water . I bit my lip at the pain . I held in my tears & stepped in . I slowly sat down & let some tears fall . When I fully sat , I began to lay down . My afro dipped in & my scalp burned . The water began to turn red from the blood on my hand . I smiled .

' Just . Die . ' I happily said . I closed my eyes & went down further .

' Princeton ? ' I heard a knock on the bathroom door . My eyes shot open . Ray . He's finally come for me .

' Princeton . I need you .. ' My heart began to flutter as the words came from his mouth .

He doesn't need you . He's using you . Don't listen to him . He's gonna use you & throw you away like everyone else did . Trust me . He hates you .

I frowned & kept going . ' Princeton ! ' Ray started knocking on the door . I sighed .

' Just ! Die ! ' I yelled at him . I sunk myself into the steaming water & felt water begin to fill my lungs . I tried breathing , letting more & more enter me . I was ecstatic .

Now Ray doesn't have to deal with trash like you . Just Die .

My heart was pounding . My vision was becoming unclear . I closed my eyes & every memory flooded into my mind .

- Flashback -

' don't drop that thun thun thun , aye ! ' I started choking on my sandwich when I saw Ray twerking on the wall with Roc . Prodigy was already laughing hysterically . I drank water before I started laughing . I cluntched my stomach as they kept twerking .

I never knew Ray could twerk . & to be honest . I got excited . Really excited . I had to excuse myself from the room & take care of myself ..

- Flashback over -

Die . Die . Die .

-

I know . I know . You're probably angry with me right now . I mean . I haven't updated in like 2 -3 months . idunno . But anyway . Jason didn't move to New Jersey . We're still together , getting stronger each & every day .

But . I am going to update every now & then .

Now , lets hope I update in time so Princeton doesn't die . or maybe Ray will save him in time (;

♡

Happy Holidays & Happy New Year .

♡