Falling For Alaska

Chapter Ten: Letter-Writing & Apologies

My 'Dearest' Carter,

I am sincerely sorry about uh, almost 'accidentally' setting your pants on fire. Even though it wasn't really an accident. But it was kinda justified because you were, well, still, are an asshole.

So yeah. I don't really care if you forgive me or not cuz I don't need or really, want an asshole's forgiveness.

See you in hell! :)

- Chase Forrest

p.s. I believe I was actually doing you a f*cking favor-- I mean, your pants were really ugly that day and they just enlarged your thighs an awful lot. It was a rather sight-- please remember for future reference that skinny jeans are NOT for 'larger' men (or any man). Just a heads up.

I thought that was a 'suitable' enough apology in my father's eye. After a call from my father demanding quicker results, I spent all morning writing a 'sincere' apology letter.

Simply put, it was not a fun activity. Especially since before I could deliver the letter to Carter, my father demanded that he read it to make sure it was 'appropriate.'

Apparently, by my father's standards letter was too 'mean' and not 'sincere' enough. Sure, I guess the comments about his size was a little unnecessary. And I guess I probably shouldn't had called him an asshole in the letter, but hey, my father should know by now that that was as good as it would get.

I mean, even when I was younger, I was awful at apologizing. Especially when I didn't feel any remorse for what I had done.

Like, when I was seven, I, while creatively playing a game of catch with myself (because my father was 'busy'), I 'accidentally' broke our neighbor's window.

Our neighbor-- a grumpy, lonely cat lady who did not hand out candy on Halloween but apples-- was rather infuriated when she realized that I had broken her window.She had hated me before (because I had pulled a few pranks on her and made a few 'unsensitive' jokes concerning her loneliness), and the whole window incident made her hate me about a trillion times more.

It wasn't really on purpose, yet it wasn't really an accident. My argument to Ms. Croony (the neighbor) was that the wind was especially strong that day, which was kinda true. But the truth was that I could've caught the ball.

However, once I'd realized it was heading towards Ms. Croony's hundred thousand dollar windows, I remembered the shitty Halloween 'treats' she gave out, and simply, let the ball shatter her apparently priceless windows.

A half-truth, I figured at the time.

My father, after finding out, was furious, to say at the least. I mean, it had been the first time I had done something seriously bad-- before, I had just stayed out of his way and was a relatively 'good little boy.' After the incident, my mother and father took me to Ms. Crooney to apologize. And naturally, and not really regrettably, after offering the angry neighbor a half-hearted apology, I added in that she deserved it because of the awful treats she gave out at Halloween.

Let's just say that my father was mortified, while my mother found the situation just a little humorous.

The result was a huge check made out to Ms. Crooney, and several apologies from both my mother and father.

I guess it was a little ridiculous to be that vengeful about awful Halloween treats, but hey, I was seven at the time. And every seven year old loves candy-- not stupid crab apples. 

Plus, I was just never good at apologizing-- admittedly, I was an expert at weaving believable lies, but let's never mind that. 

And honestly, there was no way in hell I was actually providing that asshole an adequate apology. I mean, sure, beneath Carter's mean, bitter, power hungry exterior, there might be a nice guy deep down-- an officer that gave children balloons and candy, helped the elderly down the street-- but that side has never been shown to me.