Behind The Lens• Clexa AU

Chapter 12: I know I could fall in love with you baby.

A/N: Hey guys!! I promised @AllYouKnoww it would be up later today and was having difficulty finishing but goddammit its 11:59 and its up! I keep my promises!!
I've been updating frequently because I'm a teen who likes to avoid her problems! This chapter is pretty much an emotional roller coaster cause it's about 2 really fucked up chicks.. If you guys are uncomfortable with a little Lexa/Raven something something(😉)  in this this chap.. Maybe skip the italics part.. It's valuable to the plot but if you can't handle it it's fine I won't be offended! Enjoy the chap, Huns!

Lexa awoke on the hardwood floor, her legs tangled with Ravens, and the girls arms wrapped securely around her. She felt a wave of sadness engulf her and she suddenly didn't feel like getting up. Her and Raven had a deep conversation last night. They even argued a little bit. But in the end Raven insisted she would monitor and watch her take her meds every morning till she could trust her to do it on her own.
Lexa shifted in the girls arms and turned to face her best friend. It never failed to amaze her how the girl always knew what to do when Lexa had her episodes. Even years after, she still remembered how to take Lexa away from that scary place.
Lexa's mind drifted to the first time Raven did it. Lexa was at Ravens house, this was before Raven moved in with her and her siblings. Lexa stayed with Raven almost everyday.. Protecting her and making sure her mom didn't hurt her as much.

"Lex.. I don't think we should be doing this" even Raven knew this was dangerous.. Lexa had gotten into Ravens moms stash. Pills and little baggies of white and crystal like substances tattered all over the open cabinet. Along with bottles of alcohol and other things Lexa had no clue.. She settles for a bottle of 'whateverthefuck' and 2 white pills.

"Lexa please, come on let's go back to stuffing our faces and watching bad movies" Raven tried to pry the bottle from Lexas hand but Lexa was stronger. "Come on, she won't know" Lexa said as she popped open the bottle. But that's not what scared Raven. She knew that those things could tear apart families. She knew they could make words hurt.. She knew they could make people hurt. She flinched as Lexa lifted the bottle to her lips and threw her head back.
Weeks before, Lexa told her about Costia, about her parents, about how her brother and sister look at her. She told Raven everything. And now Raven looked at her differently. She smiled at her more. She made fun of her less. And Lexa hated it. She hated that the one person who never looked at her as if she was crazy, now looked at her with pity.
Lexa chugged down the gasoline like cheap vodka. It burned on the way down and felt almost as good as she did with a razor to her wrist. Raven eyed her warily. Hoping she would just drink a little and put it away.
Lexa put the white pill on her tongue and drank more of the sinful beverage and Raven couldn't take it. "Lexa please stop" her vision was blurry as she watched the only person she cared about in the world self destruct. This was the first time she had.. Sure there were others after.. She found her in the bathroom with her wrist sliced open. She found her in a pool of her own vomit, and she could never forget finding her on the Staten Island ferry. Ready to jump in to the cold waters one winter.
But this right here was the first time.. "Raven don't fucking look at me like that" Lexa slammed the cabinet shut all while pointing a finger at the girl, with the hand that held the bottle. "Like what Lexa.. Worried. I'm sorry if the other people in your life don't give a shit what happens to you but I DO!" Raven yelled. She was angry now. They both were. "Yeah fucking right you care.. You're only my 'friend' because I make you feel better about your stupid fucking life.. I see the way you look at me.. The pity, I see it Raven.. You just hang around so you can feel better about your shitty fucking life" Lexa shouted back gulping down another swig.. Raven snatched the bottle from her hands. "Then why do you hang around huh? If you think you know why I'm always around you then why are you here.. Why are you in my shitty fucking house and in my SHIT LIFE" she was so hurt. She was hurt Lexa would think of her that way but most of all she was hurt because she was starting to think she was the reason Lexa was drinking.
"Because your moms a fucking dope head and is bound to have free booze" turned around and walked out of the room. Swaying as she walked. Raven chased after her grabbing her forearm. "I may have a dope head for a mother but at least people around me don't hate me enough to kill themselves" Raven spewed and immediately regretted it. A fist connected with her face and she knew she deserved it. "Fucking knew you never cared" another punch. As Raven stumbled a hand forced something into her mouth. "Here little Rae.. Maybe you'll end up like your mommy" she spat.
Raven could have spit it out.. She really could have. But something in her mind wouldn't let her. She brought the bottle to her lips swallowing the white pill.
She watched as Lexa slid down the wall, head in her hands. Raven took another swig of the unfamiliar liquid. And felt it immediately. She slid the bottle to Lexa, who followed her previous actions. "I hope you know I didn't mean any of what I said" Raven mumbled.
Lexa rolled her eyes. Taking a longer sip and passing the bottle back to the girl. "What-fucking-ever. It's not like we're friends" she said leaning her head against the wall.
Raven sighed getting up to sit next to the girl on the wall. "Don't fucking touch Me" Lexa flinched as Raven slid down next to her. "Lexa please.. I really didn't mean it. I'm sorry" she went to touch the girls face but was met with a bottle shoved in her direction, she shook her head finishing the last of what was left. "Lexa-" she tried again but was shoved away. She thought Lexa would stop.. But the girl kept pushing her. Raven saw a dangerous look in her eyes. The anger evidently there but something else too. Raven moved to get up but Lexa pushed her back down hitting her chest with balled fist a couple times "why would you say that" she whispered with every hit. Raven went to stop the girl but was met with legs wrapped around her waist. Lexa drew back a fist ready to hit the girl again but this time Raven held both the girls wrist in her hands. She felt the rough scars on the inner part of her wrist. She rubbed them softly. She was so sorry. "Lexa please. I didn't mean it" Lexas eyes changed. Feeling Raven gently trace her scars have her goosebumps. She leaned down and placed her head on the crook of the girls neck. "Why would you say it if you didn't mean it" Lexa felt the anger leave her veins in the most unnatural way. She wanted to fight. She wanted to keep hitting Raven, she wanted to hate her but she couldn't. Something surged through her veins and made her vulnerable to Ravens touch.