Behind The Lens• Clexa AU

Chapter 19: Watching her sleep and realizing I need her.

"Okay so let me get this straight.." Octavia clenched her fist slamming them on the table, getting the attention of most of the cafe. "Not only was Finn 50% of the reason why Clarke secluded herself, drank away her sorrows, avoided her mom, and basically followed most paths of self-destruction..but he was cheating on her the whole time he was with her, with you? " Octavia said through clenched teeth. She was so pissed off. Raven confessed to her after not telling a soul.

"Not only did I have to pick up the pieces but we're about to up her life again.. Leaving me go pick them up.. AGAIN. " Raven flinched slightly at Octavia's words and the fiery girl caught on. Lowering her tone a little bit for the little bird. "You really didn't know did you?" She tried to be as sincere as possible but the anger was still singed in. Raven still hadn't spoken a word. She just nodded brokenly.

Octavia frowned, and reached over the table to gently hold Ravens hand. "Raven we have to tell her" she whispered.

"Octavia the only reason I told you is because I haven't told any one.. Not even Lexa. And it wasn't sitting right with me.. In fact I didn't even mean to tell you it sort of just slipped." Raven said panicking.

They'd been sitting there for 3 hours, Raven spewing excuses for why she avoided Octavia and Octavia not buying it. Till finally Ravens thoughts clouded her mind and it sort of slipped. No one knew why Raven was the way she was recently and she knew she needed to tell someone before she exploded, who better than the best friend of the girl who's life you might ruin soon.

"Raven.. Clarke's been hurting for months. Her dad died on impact but she could have saved Finn, maybe knowing he was scum will lift some of that pain" Octavia pleaded. Her best friend wasn't the same, and she didn't know if she would be, but maybe knowing this would help, yea she would be hurt for a bit, but Octavia would be there for her.

"Lex and her just might have something.. Clarke might push her away if she knows" Raven grasped at straws. "That's an excuse and you know it" Octavia clarified.

And that's what blurred the line for Raven, she knew if she told Clarke, it would be real. And she didn't want that. See knew if she told Clarke, Lexa would find out soon after. She didn't want to hurt the girl that told her everything. The girl who she was supposed to tell all her secrets and fears to despite everything. Raven was so conflicted but in the end these were people's lives. She knew the truth would come out eventually.
The waitress came by and collected the check along with the money both brunettes placed on the table and this drew Raven out of her thoughts. "Let's go somewhere" Octavia said, she saw the girl was very fragile at the moment and wanted to pull her out of the state she was in, maybe that would make her see reason. The girls walked a short distance from the cafe to a river deep within a park. Raven clung to the girls arm against the brisk morning air. They sat in silence for a couple minutes. Till Octavia's curious thoughts broke it. "Why are you so scared Raven" she searched for the little birds eyes, for that spark of like despite everything she always saw, but she didn't find it, she saw pure fear. The connection she had with the girl only began stronger as the wave of empathy coursed through her. She was scared too. Scared of how fast she seemed to be falling for the girl, she was never one for love, but if this was it.. Then it was scarier than anything she'd ever experienced. They only shared messages throughout the day, short phone calls, and video chats about their days. And Octavia found herself looking toward to those.. But when the girl ran away after the night they shared she held this hallow feeling within herself that confused her more than anything and yea it scared her so fucking much but it also made her feel more alive Than anything. "I'm here, I'll be there for you the whole time, just like I'll be there for Clarke, if that's what scares you, don't worry I'm here" Octavia had never uttered truer words, she would be there even if the girl pushed her away, she would wait, because she saw something in her she didn't see in anyone else. Yea it was fast, but Octavia knew, she knew it was real.