ask masky and Toby (ticcimask)

your scaring me (one-shot)

Tobys pov

  Nothing can be completely perfect. If anyone knows that, it's me. Everything eventually has to fade. But maybe it wasn't even meant to be.

I never thought you'd be the one to hold my heart. 

  (Flash back)
    I sat and stared out my window. It was rainy and cold. The mansion was quiet besides the creaking floorboards. I heard a knock on my door.
  "Come in." I said seemingly without emotion.
  "Hey, toby? Could we talk." I heard the familiar voice call nervously.
   I nodded without taking my gaze off the window. He sat down on my bed and took my hand in his. I stared down at our intertwined hands then looked up to meet hopeful hazel eyes.
  "T-tim?" I asked curious.
  "Toby, I've liked you for a long time now. I was wondering...would you be my boyfriend?" He asked while staring into my eyes.
  I didn't reply. Instead I locked lips with him.

  2 years later

I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown.

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved.

   I sat crying on my bed. I took the blade in my hand and slit my wrist open vertically.
   'You worthless piece of shit!' Tim's voice echoed in my head.
   Tears streamed down my pale face as I kept bringing the blade to my arm and digging it into my skin.
  There was a knock on my door. I hid the blade in my pocket and pulled my sleeves down.
  "C-come in..." I said choking on tears.
  Tim walked in and sat on my bed. He took my hands in his. I flinched and tried to pull back but he was stronger. He looked up at me with tear stained eyes.
  "Toby...please don't tell me that you..." he said trailing off.
  There was no hiding it, blood was starting to come through my hoodie. He pulled up my sleeves to reveal my fresh cuts. He started to cry quietly and kissed my arms. He brought my hands up to his lips and kissed them softly.
  "W-why did you s-say th-ose hu-hurtful thin-gs?" I asked choking on my sobs.
  "I'm sorry Toby. I was mad and didn't know what I was doing. I love you. Don't listen to what I told you earlier. Your not worthless your worth so much to me. I love you so much!" He said with as much love and passion he could.
  "I love you to Tim."

  Sometimes we think someone can be saved by just anyone. But sometimes only one person can save that person. That's what it's like for me. Only one person can save me, and that's Tim. But he's also the only one that can drown me. Drown me in a pool of sadness and loneliness.

(End flash back)

  Here I am again. He promised he wouldn't hurt me again. Why do people always lie to me?
  I started to sob. I couldn't take this anymore. I went to the bathroom and got out a knife and rope.
  I'm a mess. I deserve this.
  I went back out and got some stationary and started writing a note.

  Dear Tim
       This isn't your fault. Its my fault for being a twitching mess. I love you. But I don't deserve you. Just know when you put your arms around me I'm home. I never thought I'd have your heart. But I did for three years. When I go to hell I promise to look after you. I'll be your guardian Angel.
                           Love
                                    Toby

  I went back to the bathroom and pulled up my sleeves. I took the knife and started to carve into my skin. Blood poured from my wrists and I felt faint. I stumbled over to the tub and grabbed the rope. I started to tie a noose. When I finished I tied it to the shower head.

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved.

  I used a stool to get up to the noose and pulled it over my head so it fit tightly on my neck. I started to count in my head.

5

4

3

'Bang Bang bang' someone was knocking on the door. I ignored it.

2

Someone knocked down the door.

1

I saw Tim. Then I stepped off.

You put your arms around me and I belive that it's easier for you to let me go.

I hope that you catch me cause I'm already falling.

  Tim caught me before I could completely be suffocated. I still choked but I didn't die. He pulled the noose off of me and hugged me tightly. I could hear him sobbing. I hugged back.

  "I love you way too much to lose you, Toby."  Tim whispered in my ear.

   I didn't respond. I just cried into his shoulder relived to hear those words.

I'm home.

Song: Christina Perri Arms
Word count: 834