Promise? • phan

Phil

You guys seem to get upset easily and I'm sorry if I say something to offend you :( but remember this is a phanfic. I'm aware that pj and Phil have a thing. I'm aware that my title says phan. Because it's phan. Hope that clears things up :)
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It's been a week since pj asked me out. It's been a week since I've given him a answer. I don't know what to say to him honestly.

He is really nice, he's funny, he protects me at school, he's very cute, and he makes me feel safe. But, he's dans best friend. He used to bully me everyday, and he never stopped even if I was almost unconscious.

I know people say forgive and forget but it's hard especially when he was a bully. But that was in the past. He seems like a changed person and if he makes me happy, then I can forgive. I could never forgive Dan though.

I get my phone from my bedside table where it laid, and I immediately text pj, "yes :) I will be your boyfriend." I smiled at the text after it sent. He won't see it until morning because it's 2am now, but this is real life. Me, Philip Michael Lester, the gay boy that's mute, actually has a boyfriend!

After all these years of being put down from Dan, having him break me down everyday for almost 4 years, who knew that his best friend would be the one to pick up the pieces.

Later that day , pj wanted to come over since my mom wasn't home. Of course I agreed since he's my boyfriend. I decided to clean myself up a bit since I wanted to seem presentable. I hop in the shower, listening to Twenty one pilots. Everything was going fantastic until I tried doing a jump to the beat which resulted in me falling onto the shower curtain, pulling it down and landing on the floor face first. I groan in pain and turn off the shower.

There goes my tøp mood.

I dried myself off and decided to wear a pair of sweats and my adventure time sweater instead of a shirt. I was limping slightly do to my incident with the freaking devil shower or some shit.

It's only 6:30pm and pj said he'll be here at 8pm. Since I had some time to kill I decided to listen to one song that I can relate to most.
{I suggest reading the lyrics}
Do you ever wonder, when you listen to the thunder, and your world just feels so small. Put yourself on the line and time after time keep feeling inside, like they don't know you're alive, are you on their mind , or just invisible? But I won't let you fall I see you through them all and I just want to let you know..

I started tearing up, the song hitting close to home.

Oh, when the lights go down in the city you'll be right there shining bright, you're the star the sky's the limit and I'll be right by your side. Oh, you know you're not invisible to me.

I always feel invisible, even in the comfort of my own home.

Do you ever think of what your standing at the brink of, feel like giving up, but you just can't walk away. Night after night always trying to decide are you going to speak out or get lost in the crowd do you take a chance or stay invisible but I won't let you fall I see you through them all and I just want to let you know, when the lights go down in the city you'll be right there shining bright your star the skys the limit and I'll be right by your side oh you know you're not invisible to me.

I never feel visible. And it honestly hurts so much.

Don't got a look for I'll be where you are I wish you could see what I see so don't ask why just look inside because baby that's all you need and I don't understand why you won't take my hand and go because you're so beautiful. Oh when the lights go down in the city you'll be right there shining bright you're a star the skys the limit and I'll be right by your side oh you know you're not going to be invisible to me

After the song ended, I put away my headphones and decided to watch Netflix until he got here.

Yet, it was hard to focus. That song, it's one I keep private, to myself. I never share it because well, they Will hear who is singing it and will instantly judge when actually, the lyrics are so deep, they just compare to my life.

I'm Phil Lester. I'm not beautiful, I never will be no matter what people say. I'm fat, even if I'm called skinny, I self harm because I feel useless no matter what. And all I can say, or think is ,

"thanks Dan".

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This song is old, definitely one of my favorites.

QOTD: who was the first band/boyband/singer you were obsessed with?

AOTD: Big Time Rush