Always

Chapter 24

"Remembering you hurts as fuck but I would endure it because I don't want to forget you yet."

°°°

Kevin

After talking to her, I realized that they were very
Different with Selena. Selena would always want her coffee to be sweet and hot. Alex wants it cold and a bit bitter.

Hindi siya masyadong open. And I'm like a bookworm excited to read through the pages. Siguro nagtetake precaution lang siya. Or baka hindi lang talaga siya ganun kaopen sa mga tao.

I need to stop this as soon as possible bago pa ako magsisi. It's not that I don't like her. Hell, I like her so much but then Maxine told me she's with Alex now.

Hindi ko parin maiwasan yung pagkadismaya na nararamdaman ko. It's like someone's squeezing my heart again. Draining the life out of it. I know I'm still wounded pero hindi ko na siya ganun iniinda ngayon. Alex keeps the pain at bay. Making the small ember of hope light up.

I'm looking at the lighted pool absently when my phone rang.

Selena

"Hello" I picked up. The other line is silent. All I can hear is the static in the line. "Hi" she spoked quietly.

I missed her voice.

"Tatanungin ko lang sana kung okay lang si Maxine. I've been reading her tweets and she's so mad" she explained. A pang of hurt jolted my body. Maybe because I was hoping she called because she misses me too.

"Yes, she's a bit angry that's all. Lilipas din yan" I reaponded shutting my eyes close. How I wish......

"Ano bang nangyari? She wouldn't tell me. She keeps shutting me out lately and I'm worried sick here" she panicked.

"Sshh, it's okay. Everything will be fine" I soothed her, as always. "Konting drama lang sa lovelife" I said easing her feeling. I really don't want to tell her more. Kasi kung gusto ni Maxine na malaman ng ate niya, sana siya nalang nagsabi. But it seems like she doesn't want to tell anything yet so I kept my mouth shut.

"Oh, is that so" she waged.
"Chill ka lang jan. Magiging okay din siya" I imagined her smiling infront of me.

I heard her sigh and I followed sighing too. Why do we always do that?

"Kev" she whispered. "Yes?" I answered.

"How are you?" she asked cautiously. "I'm doing good. Still a Medtech student" I goaded.

"H...ha...have you met someone?" she continued. Where is she going with this? Is it possible for her to want me back?

"No" I paused. "But I met this girl, she reminded me of you" I want to answer as honestly as I could.

"Oh, do you like her?" she pushed. What?

"No, but I think I'm growing more fond of her" I said continuing what I've decided to do, to be honest.

Hindi na siya nagsalit. All I can hear is her breathing.

"Say it Len. I know you want to say something" I said breaking the silence.

"I...I wasn't going to say something. I....I just wanted to ask if you're okay" she explained herself stuttering.

I sigh in frustration still keeping my patience intact. "We can't just keep doing this Len. You can't just ask me if I'm okay or if I already found someone. You can't just keep breaking me" I breathed keeping my tone serene.

"I...I'm sorry Kev. I just....." nagrurush siyang magsalita. If we were still together, I would find that cute but not today. I find it heartbreaking, painful even.

"No, its fine Selena. You can still call me to check on Maxine pero hanggang dun nalang muna. I want to try to keep moving para hindi ako mamatay sa sitwasyon natin ngayon" I said. "Bye" I hung up. I never called her Selena. I always call her Len, she loves that name and I know it's so pety for me to hurt her that way but that name is so foreign to me now. It holds a lot of memories and some of them were not good.

I said I already have forgiven her but the pain she insisted upon me still lurks inside. And it's becoming so fatal for my system. I can't just be her refuge to run to whenever everything's hard for her. She can't just ask me how I am cause honestly I'm okay and that's too far from happy.

Somehow Alex made me feel happy today and I want the progress to keep going. But I know I would just hurt myself more if I continued to stick around.

I pinched my temples and squeezed my eyes shut. A thing I've been doing if I'm in the midst of distress.

When will I be happy again? Ayoko nang maging okay. Ayoko nang maging okay lagi, gusto ko na ring maging masaya.

But the thing is, I don't know how and I don't think I can do it on my own.

**

Hi guys sorry for the short update pero babawi ako sa next :) Magpopost ako soon ng author's note to point out some details and issues about the story that has been bothering me lately.

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