Loving Out Loud

Like an eagle or Second chances

While I was looking inside my closet, I saw that stuffed animal Matthew brought me once. It was a black panther. Why panther? Because he knew I didn't have one. Looking at that panther called Mufasa, I remembered something that occurred few days after he had given me that present. One of our biggest fights. We have fought because he got into the phase where every adjective starting with "self" became more evident. Like him not asking me how I am, or him not worrying about me, at all. After many months I realised that that "phase" wasn't a phase at all. That was his real self. That was him. I've tried to make things better, to talk to him, with him, about him, but nothing. He didn't want to listen. He was unbelievably stubborn.
But we sorted it out, somehow. I don't even remember how...

Then something else caught my attention. A broken computer mouse, specially made for DOTA. A smile came across my face. That mouse was a gift. Well, kind of a gift. Actually, it was a reminder for some things I have (not) done. I had this one friend, Andrew, we have known each other since High school. And he was a streamer of that particular game. We had kind of a history together. I mean, in his head, he claimed a right to possess me. Why? Because we made out once, at some party, both drunk. And I didn't want a relationship with him after that kissing ritual, which made him pretty mad. He was some sort of a celebrity, especially because he was a hipster. You know, bunch of followers on social networks, channels on YouTube and Twitch, and he was handsome. That was general opinion, not mine.
I couldn't like his face and body, if I didn't like his soul.

Speaking of soul, I had only 7 hours left until the date.

The hardest question in the history of women is "What shall I wear?", often followed by "I have nothing to wear!"

And now we have me, standing in front of my closet, looking terrified. The horrible truth hit me so hard. I started biting my nails. The time stopped. What to wear tonight?!

So, as a procrastinator, I went to take a shower and think.

Red lingerie is evident choice, of course. No, I am not planning any nasty things to do to Tom (yet), but I just wanna feel good. Then, because I don't know where we are going, I probably should wear something classic. And in that moment, the lightbulb appeared.

* * *

Oh God, I finnaly felt good in my skin. I had light skinny jeans, red shoes with high heels, white blouse with no sleeves, and red leather jacket. My hair was same as always, long, brown, with curls on its end. Red nail polish, smokey eyes, and Labelo. I took a selfie and sent it to Elly, telling her to wish me luck. She answered immediately, but didn't ask where I'm going.

She is my best friend in the world. And she knew when not to ask anything. Or so I tought.
I could tell by the way she answered that she knew that something happened with me and Matthew, because I've never dressed up like that when going out with him. Yup, I didn't tell her anything. The reason is simple. I couldn't and didn't want to go through the break up again. Because telling her felt like telling myself again. Why would I do that now, when I have the most amazing date tonight. And I knew she knew I had something beautiful ahead of me.